future blog ideas?

*Note, this was actually the first out of the new blog posts that i've been doing every day, i just didn't want to post this first*


I dream too much. Believe the things I read. They don't happen. Most guys are not even close to being a prince(more in another post if I remember). All they do is make you cry and break your heart. Isn't that right? There are only those few exceptions who find their soulmate, but even so they break their girl's heart at least once(shall I elaborate in a future post?). Players are the worst (more in another post?). They make a girl fall in love and then they toy with her and end up breaking her heart. I wish I could say i've never loved. I wish I could say I never gave away my heart, that it is still whole and not broken into TINY pieces. I wish I could say I'll be fine. I wish for a lot of things don't I? But the one thing I really want, the one thing I wish for at 11:11, I can't have.... And that hurts all the more. I am not one to be optimistic, but I do have a side that is fun and happy and has a good outlook on life. That me is burried in a hole for now. Until I stop wishing for that one person. That one person I gave my heart to. The one person I told everything to. The one person who took my love, my heart, my soul, and shattered it.

I want to travel the world

I want to travel the world. If you think about it, the world is a lot smaller compared to the whole universe. To us humans, the world is a HUGE place. It is to me. I want to travel the world and get to know the planet I live on. I've always dreamed of living in a different country instead of America. If I had to chose, I would have loved to be born in hong kong. I speak Cantonese and I think it's a beautiful language. I would love to be more fluent. That's why o want to travel. So I can us my skills and learn new things. I want to experience life to the fullest. I don't want to have regrets of place I wish I could have gone to. I would love to visit china. I wish I could see china during the feudal era. There are probably historical sites, but do they have the people dressed up? I would have LOVED to be born during china's feudal era. And be like a martial arts fighter person. You know? Like in the shows with the people fighting? The girls look amazing with their clothes. I also want to visit Vietnam and see the places that my parents and grandparents went to when they were young. I want to go to Spain and a bunch of latino countries. There must be a reason to use Spanish outside of school. I mean I didn't go all the way to ap Spanish just to forget it all. I want to go to Korea. With all the dramas I watch, that one is obvious. I can even say a few things in Korean. I basically want to go everywhere. Hopefully I'll have a travel buddy. I had one. He broke my heart so.... Not going to work. But I'll meet someone who wants to travel as much as me..... Although I need to make lots of money so that I can actually afford to go to these places and do things in them. Oh well, that's a problem for future me.

Heart to Heart

Why can't two people to care about each other just talk it out? Why can't they reason with each other? Reveal their feelings to one another? Is it because one doesn't care for the other anymore? (probably in my case) is it because they've tried many time but nothing changes? What is wrong with guys and confrontation? Why don't they like feelings. They're there and talking when a girl flirts, but once the tears flow they shut up and run away. Is there any guy who understands how hard it is to be a girl. We analyze anything and everything. Me especially. I analyze everything, maybe because of my brain. I can't accept things for how they are. I especially don't trust people. Maybe that's why things don't work out. Am I meant to be alone because my brain is wired differently? Do I scare away guys with my split personality? When a girl feels bad, it's the guy's job to be there and make sure that she feels better (if you are in a relationship of course). It's not a guy's job to ignore her and basically run away from her. It is especially sad if the girl loved the guy. Loved him so much. But it turns out that he couldn't handle her. Couldn't handle how special each girl is. Ran away from it all. But maybe sometimes it's the girl's fault for thinking too much. Her fault for thinking what they had was true while he thought it was lies. or even better! He was lying from the beginning (sarcasm there if you didn't get it). How can someone, after s long term relationship, just ignore the girl and the leaves without an explanation?? (believe me, because a guy is tired of being single is not a valid excuse. It freaking sucks) is that a guy's way of saying you never meant anything to me in the first place?? You know what? Guys just suck. There are those few exceptions, but how can a girl with a broken heart ever trust another guy again? How can she when she already has trust issues? How can she when she trusted ONE guy, just one guy with things she didn't tell her friends and he goes and breaks her heart? How can she ever trust again????????

I wrote a poem

I used to be a poetry freak... ish? I went through a phase where i wrote a BUNCH of poems. I have them on my flash drive. A lot of them are so stupid, but some are really meaningful (At least to me). They reflect my life. This poem sucks........ Like really sucks.... I'm sorry for this poem. But i'll post it anyway.

Every girl wants to feel special
Every girl wants to feel loved
But how can that happen?
guys who are stupid,
Guys who play games,
Guys who cheat and lie
How can a girl find her one true prince?
When most guys refuse to think.
Every girl wants to feel special.
Every girl wants to be loved.
How, i ask HOW can that happen?

*No offense to those guys who don't cheat, lie, play games, break hearts. I'm sure you are all very nice. But my experience with guys haven't been perfect. These are my views*

*I'm done with my old ending. It's just going to end abruptly*

Bus Rides

What I don't understand is why people hate them. I happen to think that they could be very productive and inspiring. Sometimes they are pretty quiet and nice. I listen to my music. I personally thinks that this allows me to reflect only music and it's lyrics while I sit there and stare out the window. It's so soothing. Lately, bus ride have been pretty sad. I reflect on my life on bustiers and lately I've been thinking of something that has totally effected my life in every way possible. Sometime it makes me want to cry, in public, on a bus. If you know me, you would know I don't express my emotions freely. I mostly keep them inside. Writing this makes me sort of teary (may be a little weird for the guy sitting in front of me) but back to the point. Sitting on the bus and typing out my problems is sort of like therapy for me. It makes me realize that there is ALOT more to something than I first thought. Especially the subject that sorta makes me want to start to cry. I wish I had more time to write these.... But I don't. Most of the time I'm in school is spent listening to the teacher. I can't exactly take out my IPod and start typing on it while I'm sitting in front of the teacher. During my off hours I I do homework so I have less for when i get home. (I'll take about homework in another post). I'm using evermore on my iPod to do this, so there might be a few mistakes. Back to the point here. I can't say that I absolutely love bus rides, but they ate quite enjoyable, especially when you have a single seat to yourself.

Don't hate me..... LOVE ME, or you know, not

My mornings?

I hate mornings. They are especially horrible when I have school. I have weird eating habits. Sometimes, I feel like puking because I can't like eat. You know that feeling when you eat something, but then you get down to the last few bites and you're sorta sick of the food but you force yourself to eat it and feel like throwing up? That's how I feel in the mornings. Like right now (when I wrote this. Not actual height now) I made myself a turkey sandwich for breakfast. I only took one bite but I already feel.... Like I'm a little sick of it. It's really weird. The thing is, i have to eat breakfast. If I don't, my somach will make super loud gurgling noises at school. I also eat something (maybe 1/2 a granola bar size) so that my tummy doesn't run on empty. It is quite a lot of food (I sound like a piggy!!). Maybe it's soo early in the morning for me to eat. It's only 6:16 am at the moment. But it's necessary so my tummy does not growl. My snacking is also VERY important. Like once, last school year, we were taking a standardized test. I ate breakfast. But I didn't get to eat my lunch until like twelve (I usually eatat ten). And throughout the test, in the silent room, my stomach was gurgling and howling super loudly. It sucked because I couldn't feed it anything but water.... Well, yea. Now you see why I hate mornings.

These will now be my blog posts. I write things when i have time, like from school and such. I like writing and venting everything out. I use evernote and it's super easy to just sit there and type to my heart's content. They may be from the same day, but i don't like posting a whole bunch at the same time. I like these short little blurbs to you people :)

Don't hate me.... LOVE ME! :D

Wish you were here- Avril Lavigne

I can be tough
I can be strong
But with you, It's not like that at all
Theres a girl who gives a shit
Behind this wall
You just walk through it

[refrain]
And I remember all those crazy thing you said
You left them running through my head
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here
All those crazy things we did
Didn't think about it just went with it
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

[chorus]
Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Here, Here, Here
I wish you were here (X2)

I love the way you are
It's who I am don't have to try hard
We always say, Say like it is
And the truth is that I really miss
All those crazy thing you said
You left them running through my head
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here
All those crazy things we did
Didn't think about it just went with it
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

[chorus]
Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Here, Here, Here
I wish you were here (X2)


This song has been on repeat. I discovered it two days ago and it's already risen through my itunes to be in the top 5 most played songs. I love this song. It reminds me of so much. So so much. In the last two days, this song has really changed its meaning to me.

Don't hate me.... LOVE ME