memories

I hate the memories. All of them, especially the good. I can't accept that they are over. Right now, as I sit and write this my eyes are hot, like they're burning my eyelids. I hate remembering the memories. I do a pretty good job of blocking them out. Sometimes they just flood me. Sometimes they just overtake every single thought in my mind so that the only thing I can focus on is how much I miss him. Isn't that sad? Isn't it sad that while I think about him every single day, think about missing everythin we had, he's out there making new memories with some other girl. I guess it's ok to think about the memories. People say that it's ok to think about them. It isn't ok that I get so sad and depressed whenever I think about the memories. It isn't ok that these memories affect me so freaking much. It isn't ok. It isn't fair, but life isn't fair. I know that it isn't. I guess I just have to live with the pain of loving someone I can't have. Loving someone who does't love me hurts. It hurts like no pain that I have ever experienced before. I really hate the memories, but at the same time I love them. I love what they remind me of, all the great times that we had, all the conversations, they run through my head. I hate how they make me feel. They make me feel a longing, an ache in my heart. I just want to know what made him do it. Some day, when I'm ready, I'll write him a letter. A letter as random as an elephant on the moon. In that letter I'll tell him everything. I'm not writing this letter until I learn to move on from him and all the happiness he brought me. I'll write this letter when I'm good and ready. I'll write this letter and never send it. I'll write this letter and post it. I'll write this letter in remembrance of Jim. Maybe, one day, I'll be able to think of him and not feel the things I'm feeling now. One day, that will happen...... One day it will. That's all I can hope for right now, one day I will.......