Screw life

I am in a slump. A very depressing slump and quite frankly, I do not know why. I seriously have not been enjoying life at all. I don't smile very much and when I do, it's usually a lie. I just don't know what's wrong with me.

Maybe it's all the stress. That's probably it. Whoever was the person who thought that letting an extremely indecisive 17 year old girl make decisions about her whole future was obviously messed up and should be arrested and jailed forever. Seriously, I am majorly stressed about everything I have to do to "secure" my future. What are we all really moving towards? (I'll explain more in another blog post if i get to it)

I guess I'm just angry at myself. I'm angry I can't make a choice and I'm angry that I feel fat and gross and disgusting. I just have a whole lot of insecurities right now. Insecurities about my present, my future, everything in my life.

To add to that stress, I happen to have a terrible case of senioritis. It makes me angry. Ugh. Lots of things make me angry but I just feel everything caving in. I'm like a ticking time bomb and one day I will explode and all my rage with just be released. I'm scared that it'll be on someone that I truly care about. (I'm worried that it's happening right now. That i'm taking my anger out on someone that doesn't deserve it)

I'm just a super angry person right now so that best thing to do is to not piss me off. My grandpa pissed me off like 2 days ago. I drove around crying and literally screaming my lungs out in my car. All this pressure and stress is getting to me and I don't know how to make it better.

I guess this is just me. I hide it and write a blog post about it. Then I cry alone in my room about everything but I don't do anything to fix it. I hate life. I hate life with a burning passion. It's gross and disgusting and frankly, I don't want to deal with it anymore.