Short Temper.

I am a person who has a VERY high tolerance level but once you start testing my tolerance, I will go ape shit crazy on you. Seriously.

When I first meet a person and I don't immediately dislike them then I will be their friend, but once they start exhibiting behaviors that get on my nerves, the tolerance I have for them gets smaller and smaller. This ends up destroying my friendships but do I care? Most times I have no fucks to give. If you're going to annoy me enough to make me angry and stop being friends with you, then do you think I care at all? Not really.

I just have a lot of things that I don't like and I am very annoyed right now. People can just go die. What irks me the most is when people aren't appreciative of me. If I go through the effort of doing something extremely nice to you (which I rarely do since I am a pretty bitter person) then you best appreciate it. You do not go crawling back to the people that hurt you because that is the last straw.

If someone basically rejects my act of niceness and completely blows me off for someone else, especially someone I hate, then everything is ruin. There is VERY little chance that this is just an angry mood of mine and that I'll get over it. I will not. I am the type of person that holds grudges. I will not forget. I will let the one little thing dig into my brain and fester. Then the more times you do things that annoy me, the more hatred I will have towards you. Thinking about this makes me super angry and want to punch a wall. People should just learn how to be normal human beings instead of the cruel monsters they are.

Don't get me wrong, I know I have my fair share of fault (just read through my blog and you'll find all of them) but at least I know what's wrong from right most times. Most people don't even know that and I am sitting here and just hating on them wishing they would just fail at life already. It is these people that make me angry, depressed, suicidal because I don't even want to deal with them anymore.

I would give anything to transfer into a different family. I would give anything to reverse time and make sure that my second and third sisters were NEVER born. I would give anything to have them out of my life. Why wish when I could escape from them? From all the pressures of society? From life itself? After all, sometimes I feel like what's the point?

Frankly, I don't care about how my death would affect people because I don't care about people. I know there is one, two, maybe three people who would truly and completely be torn apart because of my death, but the rest? There will be a lot of people who don't care. There will be a lot of people who will pretend like the knew the "real" me. There will be those people who will put on a show because they are suppose to care even though they don't. And then there are the people who will feel guilty.

If I were to ever kill myself, which I do think about occasionally (I just don't have the guts to do it.... Wimpy me), I would make sure that the blame gets placed. I would make sure that the people who have caused me all of this suffering and pain know that it was them who did it. That my death is in their hands. And I pray to god that they will suffer for the rest of their lives with guilt. That is one of the best things that would result from my death. People learning that they are horrible monsters and suffering from my death for the rest of their lives.

You see, hate is not a very good thing to harbor inside of you, but it's the only thing I know how to do with hate.