How can I love?

How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?

This is what I think about sometimes. How can I love another person if I am so afraid of falling.

It's not actual love that I'm afraid of. It's the prospect of falling in love. Of being the real me with someone and depending on someone only to have that ripped away from me.

I've dealt with it once. Heartbreak I mean and in some ways, I'm still trying to deal with it. Having someone you trusted completely betray you tends to have extremely negative effects on people. It doesn't even matter that it was an ex. I am pretty sure that I would still be devastated if my absolute best friend decided to betray me.

Seriously. Having people betray you hurts and I don't want to go through the pain of getting close to someone, of falling, and having them figure out that being with me means dealing with a whole ocean filled with problems and that they no longer want to be with me anymore.

I know it's hard to deal with me. I can be pretty annoying. I can be pretty moody. I can get so angry that I'll be ready to murder the next person I see. That is why I need someone with patience. If a guy does not have patience, there is NO way he'll even be able to handle a little glimpse of who I really am.

Being the moody b**ch that I am, a guy needs so much patience to deal with me. Guys are not usually patience. Which is why I will be a lonely cat lady artist for the rest of my life.

Anyway, back to the point. I am afraid. I'm afraid of guys. Afraid of falling. Afraid of getting hurt. I'm just afraid.