The question is 7. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most?
Hmmmmm.... let me think about this.... would I want to be hurt by the one I trust the most.... or the one I love the most......
Well, I would like to think that the one I love the most (probs my significant other) would be the person I trust the most... but if that was not the case, I would rather be hurt by the one that I.... trust most. I don't trust easy so even if someone who I trusted hurt me, all that would do would betray my trust and then I will probably never speak to them again (kind of like what's going on in my life right now I guess) but I love way too easy. If someone I loved hurt me, I would be heartbroken for a REALLY long time. It'll take me a long time to be able to feel okay again.
Being hurt by people that I trust is a lot easier to deal with than if I was hurt by someone that I love (at least in my mind).
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Deep Ass Question #5
Well, would you look at that. Two posts in one day?? Oh em gee, what a miracle? haha. I crack myself up sometimes.
Here's the 5th installment of Deep Ass Questions brought to you buy a post on tumblr.
5. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Love and Trust.
This is a really hard question to answer because I am a true romantic. I am in love with the idea of being in love. I want one of those deep, burning, and passionate loves that simmer down with age and just develops into a nice and awesome love.
*sigh* When it comes down to it, I would chose trust over love. What is love really without trust? Sure, you could love a person and it would be pretty good but if you don't trust a person, how could you really stop yourself from being paranoid and doubting everything. If there is no trust, it's not going to last. Love is really based on trust. You will eventually stop loving a person if you really don't trust them, am I right? The trust issues are just going to tear a relationship apart.
I would hate a relationship without trust. I am a girl and an insecure girl at that. If there is no trust then there is doubt, paranoia, sadness, pain, ect. and I would NOT be able to deal with that. If I think I love a guy but really all it's causing is pain like 24/7, I wouldn't be able to deal with that for the rest of my life.
There is no love without trust.
Here's the 5th installment of Deep Ass Questions brought to you buy a post on tumblr.
5. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Love and Trust.
This is a really hard question to answer because I am a true romantic. I am in love with the idea of being in love. I want one of those deep, burning, and passionate loves that simmer down with age and just develops into a nice and awesome love.
*sigh* When it comes down to it, I would chose trust over love. What is love really without trust? Sure, you could love a person and it would be pretty good but if you don't trust a person, how could you really stop yourself from being paranoid and doubting everything. If there is no trust, it's not going to last. Love is really based on trust. You will eventually stop loving a person if you really don't trust them, am I right? The trust issues are just going to tear a relationship apart.
I would hate a relationship without trust. I am a girl and an insecure girl at that. If there is no trust then there is doubt, paranoia, sadness, pain, ect. and I would NOT be able to deal with that. If I think I love a guy but really all it's causing is pain like 24/7, I wouldn't be able to deal with that for the rest of my life.
There is no love without trust.
Tumblr Thoughts
So I stumbled on this quote while I was on tumblr and thought I would discuss it on this wonderful and terribly inactive blog. College is hard. College is stressful. College makes me want to scream in frustration.
The quote is:
“I wonder who’s arms would I run and fall into if I were drunk in a room with everyone I have ever loved”
I am going to change that last word to liked because I haven't really loved many people. This got me thinking though. I was kind of put into that situation recently. Just kinda... ok, not really... Yeah, totally not really. Ok, scratch that.
Anyways. If I was drunk, I would probably go around and just fall into the arms of each and every single guy. I mean when I am a bit tipsy, apparently I LOVE to hug people. If you know me, that's like a complete 180. I do not enjoy touching strangers or hugging in general. It was really weird because at a party I was totally just asking every guy who walked through the door to just give me a hug.
But really. In reality, if I was drunk I would hug every guy there. As for who I would just like follow around, that would really depend. I mean there are guys that I liked for a really really really long time (like 5 years+ long) and there are some guys that I have thought were really really really attractive and I may have liked them for a little bit. When it comes down to it, I would probably just chose the guy that I came with... but I really wouldn't know. Could I really stop myself from going to the one person that made me feel for a little bit of my life or the guy that I liked for a really long time but has an awesome girlfriend right now? I don't know. I am kind of sensible when I am drunk so I would probably (and I say probably because I am really not that sure) NOT go back to the one guy that broke my heart because to be honest, he was a jerk and I kinda don't like him at like all right now. I probably wouldn't fall into the arms of the guy that I used to like for a really long time because I just want to be his friend now. I don't want anything to happen with him. I just want to finally become his friend again.
As for the guys that I may actually fall into. There is a guy. He's nice. I don't know if I like him. I don't know if things will happen, but I absolutely love his personality and I know he would take care of me if he wasn't wasted himself. He's awesome, but just a little too outgoing for me. He has a bunch of girls and to be honest we're friends. I could see things happening, but I don't really know if I want things to happen or not (probably not... but he's probably the most likely guy I would go to). Then there is another guy. The guy who rejected me when I tried to dance with him. SO embarrassing by the way and a total confidence killer. Haha, I took a chance and got shot down, not really something I want to try again... but I would love to get to know him more if I had the chance.
You know, looking back, I have really really changed as a person but I will leave that to another blog post.
Till next time fellow non-socialites.
The quote is:
“I wonder who’s arms would I run and fall into if I were drunk in a room with everyone I have ever loved”
I am going to change that last word to liked because I haven't really loved many people. This got me thinking though. I was kind of put into that situation recently. Just kinda... ok, not really... Yeah, totally not really. Ok, scratch that.
Anyways. If I was drunk, I would probably go around and just fall into the arms of each and every single guy. I mean when I am a bit tipsy, apparently I LOVE to hug people. If you know me, that's like a complete 180. I do not enjoy touching strangers or hugging in general. It was really weird because at a party I was totally just asking every guy who walked through the door to just give me a hug.
But really. In reality, if I was drunk I would hug every guy there. As for who I would just like follow around, that would really depend. I mean there are guys that I liked for a really really really long time (like 5 years+ long) and there are some guys that I have thought were really really really attractive and I may have liked them for a little bit. When it comes down to it, I would probably just chose the guy that I came with... but I really wouldn't know. Could I really stop myself from going to the one person that made me feel for a little bit of my life or the guy that I liked for a really long time but has an awesome girlfriend right now? I don't know. I am kind of sensible when I am drunk so I would probably (and I say probably because I am really not that sure) NOT go back to the one guy that broke my heart because to be honest, he was a jerk and I kinda don't like him at like all right now. I probably wouldn't fall into the arms of the guy that I used to like for a really long time because I just want to be his friend now. I don't want anything to happen with him. I just want to finally become his friend again.
As for the guys that I may actually fall into. There is a guy. He's nice. I don't know if I like him. I don't know if things will happen, but I absolutely love his personality and I know he would take care of me if he wasn't wasted himself. He's awesome, but just a little too outgoing for me. He has a bunch of girls and to be honest we're friends. I could see things happening, but I don't really know if I want things to happen or not (probably not... but he's probably the most likely guy I would go to). Then there is another guy. The guy who rejected me when I tried to dance with him. SO embarrassing by the way and a total confidence killer. Haha, I took a chance and got shot down, not really something I want to try again... but I would love to get to know him more if I had the chance.
You know, looking back, I have really really changed as a person but I will leave that to another blog post.
Till next time fellow non-socialites.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Answers to Questions part 2
Here is part two.
52. Are you nice to everyone?
Depends on the person you ask. To some people, I am too nice. To others, I am mean. To myself? I don't really know.
53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Totally did not expect to like a lot of people that I did like but whatever.
54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?
Ummm.... considering I was in a relationship with a guy for 15 months without cheating..... yeah.
55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?
Yes, yes I am. I am very good at this.
56. Do you think you like someone?
Honestly? I don't really know anymore.
57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?
My baby cousin's name is Jenna but that probably doesn't count.... so no
58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?
Neither. I don't really like people in general.
59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?
Yeah, I think in 7th grade and then last year around april.
60. Do you hate anyone?
I hate everyone.
61. How’s your heart?
Broken.
62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?
Yeah, a lot of things actually.
63. Have you ever cried over a guy?
Duh. I'm a girl.
64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?
I don't know.... everybody? to be realistic, probably nobody because very few people notice me.
65. Are your toenails painted pink?
No. They used to be painted red but now they're super chipped.
66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?
I hope not.
67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?
I guess. I don't know. depends on why they're crying.
68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?
no.
69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?
My mom.
70. How do you look right now?
like a freaking slob.
71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?
Honestly? No.
72. Can you commit to one person?
Yes, yes I can.
73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
No, not anymore.
74. Have you ever felt replaced?
Yes, a lot actually. It's really easy to replace me.
75. Did you wake up cranky?
Today? No.
76. Are you a jealous person?
Yes, yes i am.
77. Are relationships ever worth it?
I don't know anymore.
78. Anyone you’re giving up on?
Yeah, kind of sad actually but yes.
79. Currently wanting to see anyone?
No, I kind of hate the world at this moment.
80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
Work.
81. Last person you cried in front of?
does myself count? If not.... probably one of my best friends.
82. Is there someone you will never forget?
Yeah, I probably won't forget him. You know how it is with first love.
83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?
No, not at all.
84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?
Freaking out because it probably won't ever happen.
85. Are you over your past?
Honestly, no I am not.
86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?
I don't have best friends of the opposite sex.
87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?
Yes, one person.
88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?
I don't know. I honestly don't know. He hurt me a lot and I don't know if I can ever trust him again. What is a relationship without trust?
89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?
No, hell no. My parents would kill me if he ever knocked on my door at 3am. Heck, I would kill him if he did that.
90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?
Yeah. They didn't hate him at first though.
91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?
Probably not. I'm a loner.
92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?
Yes, my boss's son's name is Michael.
93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?
Nope. I've only ever kissed one guy.
94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?
This january? Nope, wasn't in a relationship.
95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?
Nope. When am I ever happy with the person I like? Do I even like anyone anymore?
96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?
YES, absolutely gorgeous. She's my best friend and she's awesome.
97. Who do you have texts from?
Friends
98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?
I would be heart broken. One the outside I would be like "fuck you, I don't need you" but on the inside I am really like "what's wrong with me?"
99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?
Yup.
100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?
My bestest buddy.
101. Ever kissed under fireworks?
hmmm...... I don't think so.
102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?
Yes.
So many questions.
52. Are you nice to everyone?
Depends on the person you ask. To some people, I am too nice. To others, I am mean. To myself? I don't really know.
53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Totally did not expect to like a lot of people that I did like but whatever.
54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?
Ummm.... considering I was in a relationship with a guy for 15 months without cheating..... yeah.
55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?
Yes, yes I am. I am very good at this.
56. Do you think you like someone?
Honestly? I don't really know anymore.
57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?
My baby cousin's name is Jenna but that probably doesn't count.... so no
58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?
Neither. I don't really like people in general.
59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?
Yeah, I think in 7th grade and then last year around april.
60. Do you hate anyone?
I hate everyone.
61. How’s your heart?
Broken.
62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?
Yeah, a lot of things actually.
63. Have you ever cried over a guy?
Duh. I'm a girl.
64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?
I don't know.... everybody? to be realistic, probably nobody because very few people notice me.
65. Are your toenails painted pink?
No. They used to be painted red but now they're super chipped.
66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?
I hope not.
67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?
I guess. I don't know. depends on why they're crying.
68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?
no.
69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?
My mom.
70. How do you look right now?
like a freaking slob.
71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?
Honestly? No.
72. Can you commit to one person?
Yes, yes I can.
73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
No, not anymore.
74. Have you ever felt replaced?
Yes, a lot actually. It's really easy to replace me.
75. Did you wake up cranky?
Today? No.
76. Are you a jealous person?
Yes, yes i am.
77. Are relationships ever worth it?
I don't know anymore.
78. Anyone you’re giving up on?
Yeah, kind of sad actually but yes.
79. Currently wanting to see anyone?
No, I kind of hate the world at this moment.
80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
Work.
81. Last person you cried in front of?
does myself count? If not.... probably one of my best friends.
82. Is there someone you will never forget?
Yeah, I probably won't forget him. You know how it is with first love.
83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?
No, not at all.
84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?
Freaking out because it probably won't ever happen.
85. Are you over your past?
Honestly, no I am not.
86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?
I don't have best friends of the opposite sex.
87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?
Yes, one person.
88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?
I don't know. I honestly don't know. He hurt me a lot and I don't know if I can ever trust him again. What is a relationship without trust?
89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?
No, hell no. My parents would kill me if he ever knocked on my door at 3am. Heck, I would kill him if he did that.
90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?
Yeah. They didn't hate him at first though.
91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?
Probably not. I'm a loner.
92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?
Yes, my boss's son's name is Michael.
93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?
Nope. I've only ever kissed one guy.
94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?
This january? Nope, wasn't in a relationship.
95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?
Nope. When am I ever happy with the person I like? Do I even like anyone anymore?
96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?
YES, absolutely gorgeous. She's my best friend and she's awesome.
97. Who do you have texts from?
Friends
98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?
I would be heart broken. One the outside I would be like "fuck you, I don't need you" but on the inside I am really like "what's wrong with me?"
99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?
Yup.
100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?
My bestest buddy.
101. Ever kissed under fireworks?
hmmm...... I don't think so.
102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?
Yes.
So many questions.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
How can I love?
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?
This is what I think about sometimes. How can I love another person if I am so afraid of falling.
It's not actual love that I'm afraid of. It's the prospect of falling in love. Of being the real me with someone and depending on someone only to have that ripped away from me.
I've dealt with it once. Heartbreak I mean and in some ways, I'm still trying to deal with it. Having someone you trusted completely betray you tends to have extremely negative effects on people. It doesn't even matter that it was an ex. I am pretty sure that I would still be devastated if my absolute best friend decided to betray me.
Seriously. Having people betray you hurts and I don't want to go through the pain of getting close to someone, of falling, and having them figure out that being with me means dealing with a whole ocean filled with problems and that they no longer want to be with me anymore.
I know it's hard to deal with me. I can be pretty annoying. I can be pretty moody. I can get so angry that I'll be ready to murder the next person I see. That is why I need someone with patience. If a guy does not have patience, there is NO way he'll even be able to handle a little glimpse of who I really am.
Being the moody b**ch that I am, a guy needs so much patience to deal with me. Guys are not usually patience. Which is why I will be a lonely cat lady artist for the rest of my life.
Anyway, back to the point. I am afraid. I'm afraid of guys. Afraid of falling. Afraid of getting hurt. I'm just afraid.
This is what I think about sometimes. How can I love another person if I am so afraid of falling.
It's not actual love that I'm afraid of. It's the prospect of falling in love. Of being the real me with someone and depending on someone only to have that ripped away from me.
I've dealt with it once. Heartbreak I mean and in some ways, I'm still trying to deal with it. Having someone you trusted completely betray you tends to have extremely negative effects on people. It doesn't even matter that it was an ex. I am pretty sure that I would still be devastated if my absolute best friend decided to betray me.
Seriously. Having people betray you hurts and I don't want to go through the pain of getting close to someone, of falling, and having them figure out that being with me means dealing with a whole ocean filled with problems and that they no longer want to be with me anymore.
I know it's hard to deal with me. I can be pretty annoying. I can be pretty moody. I can get so angry that I'll be ready to murder the next person I see. That is why I need someone with patience. If a guy does not have patience, there is NO way he'll even be able to handle a little glimpse of who I really am.
Being the moody b**ch that I am, a guy needs so much patience to deal with me. Guys are not usually patience. Which is why I will be a lonely cat lady artist for the rest of my life.
Anyway, back to the point. I am afraid. I'm afraid of guys. Afraid of falling. Afraid of getting hurt. I'm just afraid.
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