plans?

I'm not the type of person to make any plans about my future. For example, the only thing I know I want to do after high school is go to college. I don't have any idea what major I'll study or anything after that. It's pretty sad actually. I am so indecisive that it isn't even funny. It's actually quite annoying and can annoy my friends. I just hate making decisions in case I decided wrong or something. I'm always afraid of failing (shall be another post?). My future scares me. Especially now. Before, for the past year, I had a plan. A plan for my future after college. It was the one thing I thought would last (how many times can I talk about this subject? I'm sure I'm saying the same things over and over again but there isn't anything else that propells me to write. I only write when I have emotions. Well I'm chalked full of emotions right now. Bt anyway. For the past year I had plans. Even partial plans for college, relationship wise. I had plans to spend my life with someone I loved (and still do). I had plans, but now they are so very obsolete. I had plans with my friends, but it doesn't look like those will come true. Even with the plans that I had with my friends, I was skeptical. With him, it wasn't like that. I wasn't skeptical at all. It was so much fun to plan out our lives. How many children we'd have, how many pets, where we'll possibly live. It was so much fun! But now where are my plans? They're gone. Even if I find someone else, the plans won't be the same because the guy isn't the same. I know things don't always go out as planned, but I was so certain. So certain that we would end up together, that we would get through anything and everything. I guess he didn't feel the same way. Whatever the reason was that propelled me to hurt him (I will never know?$ must have been a good one (or a selfish, jerky one <---- hoping it was that so I can get over him easier). *sigh* <---- that wad a literal sigh. I just did it. I want some certainty in my life again. I want someone new. I want another guy, but how can I open myself to another guy if my heart doesn't want to? My heart doesn't want to trust, it doesn't want to love and be hurt again.