I don't know, kind of feeling bitter.

As my title suggests, I am kind of feeling bitter and emotional right now. No, it is not that time of the month although this could have something to do with me only sleeping for 4 hours monday night and then only sleeping for 2.5 tuesday night (it is now wednesday).

I am not very functional when I don't get enough sleep and I am hungry. I don't know what to do anymore. I guess I just need a really good cry to get every emotion out of my system, isn't that the girly thing to do?

What is even my life right now? I don't know what's going on. I don't know what to do. I just don't know. There are people giving me opinions and advice and it's not that I don't want to listen to it or that it's bad advice (because it's actually really logical and good advice). I am just not the type of girl that thinks about the future (and when I do, I get upset and I feel like puking. It's sort of like anxiety).

I know I am being kind of vague, but things were said that just brought up old emotions (old painful emotions) that I would just not like to think about or feel. I really just don't want to be hurt again but when my friends gave me advice, I felt like I was drowning and just digging myself a deeper hole. I am kind of over thinking things and letting my feelings get the best of me.

This all is just a jumbled mess, but I have to have somewhere to get it out and this is the place. I don't really know what I am going to do. I don't really know what I am going to say but I hope this all works out for the sake of everyone involved. I am just soooo stressed right now that I don't even want to think of anything but homework.

That's when you know you've got it bad. When you actually focus on homework in order to distract yourself from something. I just don't even know anymore. My friends are pressuring me into talking to him and it just stresses me out because I am not his girlfriend and what we have to talk about is sort of like defining the relationship even though we already told each other what we wanted.

Oh my goodness. I am just so stressing right now I practically feel like crying whenever I think of this. OMG. I could totally get friend zoned too. I am just scared out of my mind and nervous as to what will happen. Maybe I will speak more on this later.

Deep Ass Question #8

8. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say?

I am going to change this to friend because my best friend is in a committed relationship and that would just be weird.

Well if my friend confessed that he had feelings for me, I would friend zone him. If he's my friend, then I am probably comfortable around him. I would only see him as a friend and not someone I would date. There are people that I am friends with that I would NEVER date. If I am friends with a guy and I actually call him my friend and hang out with him a lot and tell him things, then in my mind he really isn't a guy. He becomes a girl in my mind. I know I am not wording this right because a lot of guys would be offended if I told them I don't see them as a guy (which I have done before and the guy is super nice and understanding so he wasn't offended, at least I don't think he was).

Okay, I have a very hard time talking to guys I find attractive. If I find a guy attractive and want to date him, I would probably not talk to him on my own. I mean I did have a crush on a guy for like five years and never once had a full on conversation with him because I am really that painfully shy. So, with that in mind if I am friends with a guy then he really isn't someone that I could see myself dating.

If I am overly chatty with a guy or I tell him things that I really should be only telling my girlfriends, he is not someone I would date. If he wanted to date me, I would shoot him down because I really would not be having any romantic thoughts about him. It's just how my mind works.

I know I am not explaining this well but I can't really explain my brain... I can't really pull up the right words.

Oh well.