So I stumbled on this quote while I was on tumblr and thought I would discuss it on this wonderful and terribly inactive blog. College is hard. College is stressful. College makes me want to scream in frustration.
The quote is:
“I wonder who’s arms would I run and fall into if I were drunk in a room with everyone I have ever loved”
I am going to change that last word to liked because I haven't really loved many people. This got me thinking though. I was kind of put into that situation recently. Just kinda... ok, not really... Yeah, totally not really. Ok, scratch that.
Anyways. If I was drunk, I would probably go around and just fall into the arms of each and every single guy. I mean when I am a bit tipsy, apparently I LOVE to hug people. If you know me, that's like a complete 180. I do not enjoy touching strangers or hugging in general. It was really weird because at a party I was totally just asking every guy who walked through the door to just give me a hug.
But really. In reality, if I was drunk I would hug every guy there. As for who I would just like follow around, that would really depend. I mean there are guys that I liked for a really really really long time (like 5 years+ long) and there are some guys that I have thought were really really really attractive and I may have liked them for a little bit. When it comes down to it, I would probably just chose the guy that I came with... but I really wouldn't know. Could I really stop myself from going to the one person that made me feel for a little bit of my life or the guy that I liked for a really long time but has an awesome girlfriend right now? I don't know. I am kind of sensible when I am drunk so I would probably (and I say probably because I am really not that sure) NOT go back to the one guy that broke my heart because to be honest, he was a jerk and I kinda don't like him at like all right now. I probably wouldn't fall into the arms of the guy that I used to like for a really long time because I just want to be his friend now. I don't want anything to happen with him. I just want to finally become his friend again.
As for the guys that I may actually fall into. There is a guy. He's nice. I don't know if I like him. I don't know if things will happen, but I absolutely love his personality and I know he would take care of me if he wasn't wasted himself. He's awesome, but just a little too outgoing for me. He has a bunch of girls and to be honest we're friends. I could see things happening, but I don't really know if I want things to happen or not (probably not... but he's probably the most likely guy I would go to). Then there is another guy. The guy who rejected me when I tried to dance with him. SO embarrassing by the way and a total confidence killer. Haha, I took a chance and got shot down, not really something I want to try again... but I would love to get to know him more if I had the chance.
You know, looking back, I have really really changed as a person but I will leave that to another blog post.
Till next time fellow non-socialites.
Showing posts with label non-socialite. Show all posts
Showing posts with label non-socialite. Show all posts
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Monday, November 18, 2013
It's been a while
Yes, I know it's been quite the long time. It's now november of 2013. I have been in college since august and I must say that most of the time I hate it here.
*lolz* I almost forgot how to put an enter in this blog post.
College is not as I expected. To be honest, I really thought I would have had a different experience. By reading my blog posts, you all probably know how big of an introvert I am (and trust me, I am a huge introvert) and the college that I am at isn't a great place for an introvert.
I expected to make more friends honestly. People say that the friends you make in college are the ones that stick with you for the rest of your life. Well I have no new friends right now and honestly, I am getting tired of some of the ones that I do have. I wanted to be more social but there are specific things that are keeping me from being who I really want to be.
I just don't want to be friends with those blond white girls with the Uggs and leggings, the ones who are just there to party.Since I am at such a big party school... I am just hoping that the partiers end up dropping out or transferring to another school because I don't really want to deal with them. Even though I myself want to party doesn't mean that I will go out every single weekend and get fucked up. That's not me. I never want to black out. I never want to wake up and not remember what is happening (but this topic is for another time).
Back to my point though. College is really not what I expected. Maybe it's because I lost the chance of going to a really great school (or a more prestigious school).
*Side Note* I am loving my room mate. Honestly, sometimes I like her more than my best friend. I am so used to her now that I am really going to be sad when she transfers to another school. But to the point. She said something that made me realize that I could have been at better places with better people.
She told me that I could have gotten into a way better school. Just by hearing my work ethnic and living with me, a complete stranger can tell me that I could have done great things makes me feel really regretful about some of the advantages that I didn't take part in.
Here are a list of things I should have done. Maybe this will help you guys who are younger
1. I probably should have taken the SAT. I know I would have done well. It's not because I am arrogant, it's just that I always do really well on standardized tests. I got a 30 on my ACT when my practice ACT predicted a 27 (and I didn't study for this test like AT ALL). I could have done really well on my SAT if I did take it. This is one of my biggest regrets. If I took the SAT I could have applied to schools in California (which is where I really wanted to go). I took the ACT but I did not take it with writing. If I had the chance to go back, I would have just sucked it up and drove all the way to the school that was offering the SAT.
2. I wish I would have been more involved with my school. I really wasn't involved at all with my school. I didn't play any sports (and I would have if I didn't have a job). I really wanted to be on the tennis team but I was too shy to even try. I don't know. I could have been in things like class leadership or been a backstage person for plays or something that would have made me more well rounded or given me experiences for scholarships. I really just went to school and went home. That was basically my whole high school career right there.
3. I sort of wish I applied to more school. I only applied to three schools and the sister school of one of these schools. I really should have applied to more prestigious schools. Maybe I could have gotten in then gotten a lot of scholar ships. That would have been awesome. I could be at a really awesome school instead of here with people I don't like and frankly don't want to be around.
4. I definitely wish I would have done more research on the school that I am going to now. I probably would have chosen a completely different resident hall. I should have done more research instead of blindly following a friend because ultimately that is a bad thing. Never do something just because your friend is doing it. Ultimately, you have to live with your choices. I am not happy with this resident hall. I could have been in a much nicer place or could have just commuted because I haven't made any friends. I should have looked into the cost of going to here versus the other places I had in mind. I wish I would have done additional research on the places that I wanted to go to out of state.
There are plenty more regret I have about my college experience but I am only going to write about those 4. I'll probably write more about college later because it's really bringing me down. All these regrets just make me sad, but I made my choices and now I have to live with them.
On the less sad side... I do have one choice that I was and still am very happy about making.
I am SO glad that I chose not to be room mates with anyone I knew. It's great being room mates with a best friend but eventually I get tired of people. Being around a person too much makes me sick of them. I would probably hate my best friend by this point. Living with someone that you're friends with is just not a good idea, especially if you're going to be in your room all the time. Honestly, I love my current room mate and she's the best match for me. I would have had a lot of problems if I was paired up with anyone else on my floor. I am so glad that I didn't cave in and live with my best friend. I am so glad that I chose to live with a stranger instead. I am SO glad that said stranger respects my need for quiet and time to myself. She doesn't judge me, in fact we have so much more in common.
My room mate and I have had so many conversations. I have shared so much of my life with her. She's awesome and I really really really hope that we can remain friends after she transfers.
The only reason I am still at this college and will continue to be in this college is because of money. I am not paying as much as other people for this lovely college experience. This college would have cost around 13000 a semester to attend. I got about 3500 for a grant. I got a 4,400 academic scholarship. I got 2000 dollars from another grant. 1,800 for work study (which I still don't understand how it works). Then I got an esteemed scholarship for 2,500. I am currently 10,000 in loans and had to pay 1,500 out of my own bank account in order to go here. This really isn't a lot compared to other people and I am lucky to be going here for so little.
Money is basically stopping me from going somewhere I really want to go. I would definitely transfer to a California school if I could. Hell, I would even go to the other side of the country if I could.
*lolz* I almost forgot how to put an enter in this blog post.
College is not as I expected. To be honest, I really thought I would have had a different experience. By reading my blog posts, you all probably know how big of an introvert I am (and trust me, I am a huge introvert) and the college that I am at isn't a great place for an introvert.
I expected to make more friends honestly. People say that the friends you make in college are the ones that stick with you for the rest of your life. Well I have no new friends right now and honestly, I am getting tired of some of the ones that I do have. I wanted to be more social but there are specific things that are keeping me from being who I really want to be.
I just don't want to be friends with those blond white girls with the Uggs and leggings, the ones who are just there to party.Since I am at such a big party school... I am just hoping that the partiers end up dropping out or transferring to another school because I don't really want to deal with them. Even though I myself want to party doesn't mean that I will go out every single weekend and get fucked up. That's not me. I never want to black out. I never want to wake up and not remember what is happening (but this topic is for another time).
Back to my point though. College is really not what I expected. Maybe it's because I lost the chance of going to a really great school (or a more prestigious school).
*Side Note* I am loving my room mate. Honestly, sometimes I like her more than my best friend. I am so used to her now that I am really going to be sad when she transfers to another school. But to the point. She said something that made me realize that I could have been at better places with better people.
She told me that I could have gotten into a way better school. Just by hearing my work ethnic and living with me, a complete stranger can tell me that I could have done great things makes me feel really regretful about some of the advantages that I didn't take part in.
Here are a list of things I should have done. Maybe this will help you guys who are younger
1. I probably should have taken the SAT. I know I would have done well. It's not because I am arrogant, it's just that I always do really well on standardized tests. I got a 30 on my ACT when my practice ACT predicted a 27 (and I didn't study for this test like AT ALL). I could have done really well on my SAT if I did take it. This is one of my biggest regrets. If I took the SAT I could have applied to schools in California (which is where I really wanted to go). I took the ACT but I did not take it with writing. If I had the chance to go back, I would have just sucked it up and drove all the way to the school that was offering the SAT.
2. I wish I would have been more involved with my school. I really wasn't involved at all with my school. I didn't play any sports (and I would have if I didn't have a job). I really wanted to be on the tennis team but I was too shy to even try. I don't know. I could have been in things like class leadership or been a backstage person for plays or something that would have made me more well rounded or given me experiences for scholarships. I really just went to school and went home. That was basically my whole high school career right there.
3. I sort of wish I applied to more school. I only applied to three schools and the sister school of one of these schools. I really should have applied to more prestigious schools. Maybe I could have gotten in then gotten a lot of scholar ships. That would have been awesome. I could be at a really awesome school instead of here with people I don't like and frankly don't want to be around.
4. I definitely wish I would have done more research on the school that I am going to now. I probably would have chosen a completely different resident hall. I should have done more research instead of blindly following a friend because ultimately that is a bad thing. Never do something just because your friend is doing it. Ultimately, you have to live with your choices. I am not happy with this resident hall. I could have been in a much nicer place or could have just commuted because I haven't made any friends. I should have looked into the cost of going to here versus the other places I had in mind. I wish I would have done additional research on the places that I wanted to go to out of state.
There are plenty more regret I have about my college experience but I am only going to write about those 4. I'll probably write more about college later because it's really bringing me down. All these regrets just make me sad, but I made my choices and now I have to live with them.
On the less sad side... I do have one choice that I was and still am very happy about making.
I am SO glad that I chose not to be room mates with anyone I knew. It's great being room mates with a best friend but eventually I get tired of people. Being around a person too much makes me sick of them. I would probably hate my best friend by this point. Living with someone that you're friends with is just not a good idea, especially if you're going to be in your room all the time. Honestly, I love my current room mate and she's the best match for me. I would have had a lot of problems if I was paired up with anyone else on my floor. I am so glad that I didn't cave in and live with my best friend. I am so glad that I chose to live with a stranger instead. I am SO glad that said stranger respects my need for quiet and time to myself. She doesn't judge me, in fact we have so much more in common.
My room mate and I have had so many conversations. I have shared so much of my life with her. She's awesome and I really really really hope that we can remain friends after she transfers.
The only reason I am still at this college and will continue to be in this college is because of money. I am not paying as much as other people for this lovely college experience. This college would have cost around 13000 a semester to attend. I got about 3500 for a grant. I got a 4,400 academic scholarship. I got 2000 dollars from another grant. 1,800 for work study (which I still don't understand how it works). Then I got an esteemed scholarship for 2,500. I am currently 10,000 in loans and had to pay 1,500 out of my own bank account in order to go here. This really isn't a lot compared to other people and I am lucky to be going here for so little.
Money is basically stopping me from going somewhere I really want to go. I would definitely transfer to a California school if I could. Hell, I would even go to the other side of the country if I could.
Monday, February 4, 2013
I think a guy can fix everything
Today, I realized that I am a person who thinks a guy can fix all my problems. This is a very bad thing because I have become dependent on a guy. A guy that I do not even know yet. I feel that a guy can just take away all my problems or at least help with them. I feel like having a guy who is there for me, who will give me hugs to make me feel better, who will support me, who will calm me down, who will do everything to make sure I am happy would fix who I am.
I know that I don't really need a man, but due to my past relationship I feel that having someone like that just has to be a guy. I have never really been the open type, especially to other girls. The first person I ever opened up to completely was a guy and maybe I feel like my boyfriend (whoever he may be in the future) would be the only person that I can ever open up to completely. I don't know why, I guess I just can't really talk to girls. This could be a pretty big problem.
Right now, I do not have a guy and there are times when I feel completely broken and hurt and I just hold it all in. I feel like I'm going to need therapy in order to control all the feelings I have bottled up inside. I feel like having a guy there would make me feel so much better. For those of you in relationships or those who have been in relationship then you know what I am talking about. A hug from your significant other can at least make the world a little bit better.
I guess I have developed dependent feelings and expectations for the male specimen and I am not sure how to deal with that. All I know is that whoever decided they want to date me next needs to be warned of all my emotional baggage. I just want a fun relationship with a guy who will be there for me. Someone who would just hug me and not ask questions when I show up at his house in tears. Someone to cheer me up again. I just need someone.
I'm a very very sad person.
I know that I don't really need a man, but due to my past relationship I feel that having someone like that just has to be a guy. I have never really been the open type, especially to other girls. The first person I ever opened up to completely was a guy and maybe I feel like my boyfriend (whoever he may be in the future) would be the only person that I can ever open up to completely. I don't know why, I guess I just can't really talk to girls. This could be a pretty big problem.
Right now, I do not have a guy and there are times when I feel completely broken and hurt and I just hold it all in. I feel like I'm going to need therapy in order to control all the feelings I have bottled up inside. I feel like having a guy there would make me feel so much better. For those of you in relationships or those who have been in relationship then you know what I am talking about. A hug from your significant other can at least make the world a little bit better.
I guess I have developed dependent feelings and expectations for the male specimen and I am not sure how to deal with that. All I know is that whoever decided they want to date me next needs to be warned of all my emotional baggage. I just want a fun relationship with a guy who will be there for me. Someone who would just hug me and not ask questions when I show up at his house in tears. Someone to cheer me up again. I just need someone.
I'm a very very sad person.
Friday, January 4, 2013
What is my life?
What is this life I live? You all may ask what I am doing right now, but then again how many of you are there? Not many.
Ok.... basically, only I read my own blog. That makes it kinda sad when I'm sitting here and typing a message to you guys when you guys are really only myself. Kinda sad.....
Darn... I gave away what I was doing.
Yes, I am blogging right now. It is currently 3 in the morning and i'm blogging. The only things I did today were wake up, go to the bank, come home and eat, go to work, read a little, and lots of blogging. Like LOTS of blogging. Not on here because frankly i don't like talking about myself or anything. I did a lot of blogging on my tumblr.
I LOVE TUMBLR AND WILL GLADLY WASTE MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE ON IT.
Yes, this is the actual life of a teenage non-socialite.
Ok.... basically, only I read my own blog. That makes it kinda sad when I'm sitting here and typing a message to you guys when you guys are really only myself. Kinda sad.....
Darn... I gave away what I was doing.
Yes, I am blogging right now. It is currently 3 in the morning and i'm blogging. The only things I did today were wake up, go to the bank, come home and eat, go to work, read a little, and lots of blogging. Like LOTS of blogging. Not on here because frankly i don't like talking about myself or anything. I did a lot of blogging on my tumblr.
I LOVE TUMBLR AND WILL GLADLY WASTE MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE ON IT.
Yes, this is the actual life of a teenage non-socialite.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)