Well, this is an even greater miracle. Three posts in one day! If you read my post on my violentness and my messed up head, then keep reading this.
Here are some things that came straight from my head. Maybe then you'll get how messed up it is.
The ravens were in a frenzy, cawing and screaming to each other. With every new arrival, the sky darkened because of the shadows of their dark wings. The ravens swarmed to the body. She was already long dead and forgotten, only to be remembered by the birds. Once they have pecked off her flesh, she'll be nothing but a memory.
I ran. The cold snow was nipping at my bare feet. My shoes had fallen off while i was in the house. I could hear growling. The beast was getting closer. I shook my head and pushed ahead. It was freezing. I could feel the cold deep in my bones. I was breathing rapidly. The fog of my breathe streamed out behind me. I heard it, it heard the beast. The monster was on my trail. My limbs were screaming but i ignored the pain. The only thing that mattered was survival.
I girl stared straight into the mirror. Who I saw was not who I wanted to be. The girl looking back was disgusting. She was 115 pounds, still 15 pounds too much. I shifted away from the mirror and eyed the scale. What ridiculously high number would it be this time? I took a deep breath and stepped on. The scale read 110. I'm getting closer to my goal. I'll be amazingly perfect when i get to 100. I heard my stomach grumble. This was no time to eat, i lost 10 pounds. If I allowed myself something i would gain it all back. I can't do that to myself. I can't. I stepped off the scale and put my clothes back on. My brother knocked on the bathroom door, begging to be let in. I let him in and walked down to the basement. The treadmill hummed to life as I turned it on. I got on. Yesterday, i ran 6 miles. Maybe i'll go to 7 today. Anything to lose those last 10 pounds. I ran. The only sound I heard was the thump thump thump of my feet. (i'm not anorexic or bulimic. I weight a healthy weight)
It was us, in a room full of people. My eyes were drawn to him. My ears flickered and my sentitive hearing picked out his breathing patterns. I knew him, but he didn't know me. His name was Daniel. He was tall and lanky with dark drown hair. I wanted to get closer, to feel the texture of his hair, his skin. He shuffled along in the room. I must talk to him, but not here. I must isolate him.
My hands wound around her neck. She immediately started to thrash about, clawing at her throat. I kept my grip and squeezed harder. Her thrashing weakened. I was draining the life out of her. She was so weak now. I turned her head around, careful to keep up the pressure i had on her windpipe. Her eyes started to bulge. A few more moments; she was dead.
WOW, Fantastic Baby. (with that, i leave you.)
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Some people deserve to be punched in the face... extremely hard.
Oh look, a miracle. I'm updating twice in one day. I'm actually writing this right after i finished my other one. That's because people do more things that infuriate me. *sigh* If you know me, which most of you probably don't (there i go again, thinking people actually read this... but anyway, indulge my fantasy) then you would know i'm a pretty violent person, not physically but like in my mind.... Like i don't actually hit people (unless they push me over my limit and my limit is pretty high or whatever word you use). All the violence happens in my mind.
One day, i just want to change that. For all you stupid people who think i'm just a quiet girl who's weak and can be pushed around, i want them to know other wise. I'm actually full of sass. I say things to myself in my mind all the freaking time. I just can't voice it. It's sad actually. But anyway, sometimes people make me so mad. I can barely contain my anger, but i do... somehow i do. Sometimes, i wonder. I wonder if i unleashed my anger and used violence, would that solve anything. It seemed to work for A. (remember A?) Sometimes i want to freaking punch people over and over again, and maybe then they will stop using me and all my niceness. If you ask people, some will say i'm the nicest person they know. I'm actually not that nice if you dive into my mind. Nice people aren't violent.
In my mind, i'm extremely violent. People who use me are the worse. This is where my sisters come in. They make me hate hypocrites because they are one. They make me want to punch people because most of the time it's them i want to punch. You may ask why i harbor all this anger towards my sisters, and that sisters are supposed to love each other. Just call me the fucking exception because i absolutely hate my sisters. There are times when they are decent and i want to believe that i can love them, but in the end they always freaking abuse my niceness. I'm willing to do anything to get on their good sides. Then i find out they're just using me for my niceness. I would do anything for them to love me, but no. All i get it their anger. All they do every single fucking day is yell at me. I know they're scared of me. They are fucking cowards that send a little 8 year old to tell me to be quiet. I just want to release my fists into them one day, see if they want to use me ever again. I know violence is not the solution to anything, but sometimes, i wish i would. It's like JYJ's scandal and how they hit a private. That private freaking deserved it, but it doesn't fucking matter because they still do what they do. It's different with my situation though. When i released my fist on A, she just left me alone. I know she's freaking scared of me and yet she STILL talks bad behind my back when she think's i'm sleeping. That's just how my sisters are. They're all little demon people who are fucking idiots. I'm probably the best person out of all of them. They're all demon children who backstab people all the time. I hope my sister ends up 16 and pregnant. I would laugh at her, i really would. That's a terrible thing to wish on her, but it would be karma kicking up her ass. What kind of real person wants to date as many people as she can in high school? What kind of real girl says she aspires to be one of the girls who always has a boyfriend and makes out with them in the hall? That isn't a girl. It's called a slut. A whore. It's like a few steps from being a prostitute or a stripper. Ugh. I hate my sisters so much. One may be tolerable, but they're over-rated. This, annoying people, is the reason i don't really want to live on this planet anymore. The reason why i just want to be isolated from the rest of the world. The reason why i would be perfectly content being stranded on an island by myself, as long as i have internet connection and an extremely fast laptop with electricity. I'd be set. I'll elaborate in a new post eventually ( i hope?) but anyway. I. Hate. People. That is all.
One day, i just want to change that. For all you stupid people who think i'm just a quiet girl who's weak and can be pushed around, i want them to know other wise. I'm actually full of sass. I say things to myself in my mind all the freaking time. I just can't voice it. It's sad actually. But anyway, sometimes people make me so mad. I can barely contain my anger, but i do... somehow i do. Sometimes, i wonder. I wonder if i unleashed my anger and used violence, would that solve anything. It seemed to work for A. (remember A?) Sometimes i want to freaking punch people over and over again, and maybe then they will stop using me and all my niceness. If you ask people, some will say i'm the nicest person they know. I'm actually not that nice if you dive into my mind. Nice people aren't violent.
In my mind, i'm extremely violent. People who use me are the worse. This is where my sisters come in. They make me hate hypocrites because they are one. They make me want to punch people because most of the time it's them i want to punch. You may ask why i harbor all this anger towards my sisters, and that sisters are supposed to love each other. Just call me the fucking exception because i absolutely hate my sisters. There are times when they are decent and i want to believe that i can love them, but in the end they always freaking abuse my niceness. I'm willing to do anything to get on their good sides. Then i find out they're just using me for my niceness. I would do anything for them to love me, but no. All i get it their anger. All they do every single fucking day is yell at me. I know they're scared of me. They are fucking cowards that send a little 8 year old to tell me to be quiet. I just want to release my fists into them one day, see if they want to use me ever again. I know violence is not the solution to anything, but sometimes, i wish i would. It's like JYJ's scandal and how they hit a private. That private freaking deserved it, but it doesn't fucking matter because they still do what they do. It's different with my situation though. When i released my fist on A, she just left me alone. I know she's freaking scared of me and yet she STILL talks bad behind my back when she think's i'm sleeping. That's just how my sisters are. They're all little demon people who are fucking idiots. I'm probably the best person out of all of them. They're all demon children who backstab people all the time. I hope my sister ends up 16 and pregnant. I would laugh at her, i really would. That's a terrible thing to wish on her, but it would be karma kicking up her ass. What kind of real person wants to date as many people as she can in high school? What kind of real girl says she aspires to be one of the girls who always has a boyfriend and makes out with them in the hall? That isn't a girl. It's called a slut. A whore. It's like a few steps from being a prostitute or a stripper. Ugh. I hate my sisters so much. One may be tolerable, but they're over-rated. This, annoying people, is the reason i don't really want to live on this planet anymore. The reason why i just want to be isolated from the rest of the world. The reason why i would be perfectly content being stranded on an island by myself, as long as i have internet connection and an extremely fast laptop with electricity. I'd be set. I'll elaborate in a new post eventually ( i hope?) but anyway. I. Hate. People. That is all.
When has facebook...
When the heck has facebook became a place for making people feel bad or whatever. I don't mean to offend you people, but liking things that are "like if you think she's beautiful, ignore if you think she's not" are freaking annoying. I sound like a very heartless person, but i don't freaking give a crap about this sort of stuff. I don't intend to like it even if i think they are the most beautiful people in the world. I don't freaking care to publicize the things i like on Facebook. Why the heck would i do that?! I especially hate those people that like extremely weird pictures. I kept seeing one of Jesus Christ nailed to the cross and he was all bloody and stuff. I'm sorry, but i don't want to see some bloodied up man on my dashboard. I'm Buddhist. I also highly think that people would have an actual picture of Jesus Christ. I don't care. I honestly don't care, especially on facebook. I especially hate those things that are like "share this, have a heart. If you don't you're a heartless person" or stuff like that. I know i'm not a heartless person. I don't need some random post on facebook telling me that i'm a heartless person just because i don't want to clog up other people's dashboards with the stupidest stuff. I even bet those people only did it to get likes. Why? I ask all you stupid people why? I'm extremely irritated at the Kony thing. Cry all you want. Spread all these words, but that isn't going to freaking convince me to do anything. I'm against him. I know i;m against him. I don't need a new status update with the same video reminding me i need to be against him every five minutes. I am aware that many people don't know about Kony and what he is doing, but I feel these videos and wall statues are annoying.
I saw a status on facebook and it went like this "Okay wow, thats pathetic. Stop complaining about how we post the Kony stuff too much. We actually CARE. Some of us JUST found out. Its hard to spread the word. Some found out last year, cool. You didnt bother to help spread the word. Now that people are, dont go complaining because people with hearts did what you didnt bother to do long ago. We rather do it now then never do it. So shut up or have a heart." WHAT IS PATHETIC IS THAT YOU HAVE TO MAKE A FREAKING STATUS UPDATE CALLING PEOPLE LIKE ME PATHETIC. You post what you want about Kony and how ignorant to world problems if you don't know who kony is and I'll complain all i want about your stupid little status updates (p.s. this status isn't about me because i don't actually voice my annoyance since i have a high tolerance level. I'm voicing my opinion through this anonymous blog post) Seriously, i knew about Kony for a while now. It is not my fault that some people do not freaking give a crap about other people in the world. They only respond when their celebrities or their friends start talking about it. Seriously, she said she didn't know about it until this week or last year. Doesn't freaking matter. It's their fault for being ignorant of what goes on in the world. Why should i be the one to suffer all these constant Kony 2012 updates (all over youtube and Facebook and tumblr now) which annoy the crap out of me just because some people don't bother to read the newspaper or search the web for something more interesting than cat videos. Seriously, i saw an article in the newspaper about the LRA and how they moved to the Congo like last year. If people decide to educate themselves on the other things that happen in the world BEFORE it escalates and becomes a huge movement then maybe they could have banned together earlier. Ugh, you can obviously sense my annoyance at these people who know nothing and then find out and think they know everything. Whatever, peace out.
I saw a status on facebook and it went like this "Okay wow, thats pathetic. Stop complaining about how we post the Kony stuff too much. We actually CARE. Some of us JUST found out. Its hard to spread the word. Some found out last year, cool. You didnt bother to help spread the word. Now that people are, dont go complaining because people with hearts did what you didnt bother to do long ago. We rather do it now then never do it. So shut up or have a heart." WHAT IS PATHETIC IS THAT YOU HAVE TO MAKE A FREAKING STATUS UPDATE CALLING PEOPLE LIKE ME PATHETIC. You post what you want about Kony and how ignorant to world problems if you don't know who kony is and I'll complain all i want about your stupid little status updates (p.s. this status isn't about me because i don't actually voice my annoyance since i have a high tolerance level. I'm voicing my opinion through this anonymous blog post) Seriously, i knew about Kony for a while now. It is not my fault that some people do not freaking give a crap about other people in the world. They only respond when their celebrities or their friends start talking about it. Seriously, she said she didn't know about it until this week or last year. Doesn't freaking matter. It's their fault for being ignorant of what goes on in the world. Why should i be the one to suffer all these constant Kony 2012 updates (all over youtube and Facebook and tumblr now) which annoy the crap out of me just because some people don't bother to read the newspaper or search the web for something more interesting than cat videos. Seriously, i saw an article in the newspaper about the LRA and how they moved to the Congo like last year. If people decide to educate themselves on the other things that happen in the world BEFORE it escalates and becomes a huge movement then maybe they could have banned together earlier. Ugh, you can obviously sense my annoyance at these people who know nothing and then find out and think they know everything. Whatever, peace out.
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