Hello world. I feel like crap right now emotionally and I don't know who to vent to so what better place than this lovely blog i have here.
I know I haven't posted in a while. I usually just cry to myself now a days. Ugh. What are college problems? I am a college problem. Never have I ever thought I would be in the position I am in right now.
To be honest, I have feelings. Strong feelings. Strong feelings of like, maybe even love (many people would say it isn't but they way I feel with him is just happy). All these feelings for one guy.
One guy who is going to break my heart and I know that but the part of me (my heart) is convincing me that the happiness I feel is worth all the pain I feel when I am not with him.
You don't know the happy feelings I get when his name pops up as a notification on my snapchat (which it doesn't happen often because he sucks at responding and out 92 day snap streak scares him).
You don't know the happy feelings I get when he's sitting across from me and I am just looking at him, wondering what I got myself into and how i'm going to survive the heartbreak that is going to come one day or another when he's decided he's done playing with me/
He makes me feel alive. I can even tell you when I knew that I feel the way I do about him. I knew I liked him but I knew I had fallen completely on that one snowy night at a party and he taught me how to salsa (kind of lol). That's when I knew.... This is going to end badly.
All the reason's I like him. Let me tell you.
-When he gets passionate about what he's talking about. It makes him so totally attractive.
-When he talks to himself while he's playing video games
-The way he kisses me
-He makes me laugh. All the time.
-The way he mumbles and then says never mind when I tell him to repeat what he said but he refuses to tell me until i push it out of him
-He salsa danced with me
-He tucked me in that one day he had to leave really early
-His interest in space
-His nerdiness
I could think of many more moments that made me realize how much and why I like him so much but there are so many reasons he aggravates me as well. Why? just why? I don't even know. I don't.
