6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not?
This would really depend on a number of factors. I would love to try and save a dog that was drowning, but I can't really swim that well.... sooooo..... I would probably drown as well..... I am not really sure what I would do. I could always attempt to, but I would be terrified of drowning myself. It isn't really helpful if I drown with the dog. I don't know. I would probably try and help with a flotation device or tell someone else next to me or call the police or something. I am not sure. I could always try and explain to my boss but it isn't always guaranteed that they will even understand.
This question calls into whether I care about myself more or the welfare of an animal. I am not cruel, but I am not kind either. I would really have to be put in that situation in order to truly know what I would do.
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Annoyed.
Well, here I am again letting out all my annoyance and feelings onto a blog post because I have absolutely NO one else to talk to. One of my so called best friends turned out to not be as good of a friend as I thought. My other one, I don't really share things with even though she is one of the best people in my life. I am just angry. I am not happy, and it is just not good to keep everything in.
I just don't understand. I don't understand how some people could do the most idiotic acts ever. I don't understand why some things make people change for the worst, sometimes for the better, but I am not sure at the moment. I am just extremely frustrated with everything and everyone and ugh. Everything is just terrible.
Let's start off with the straw that broke the camel's back. Stupid stupid stupid. I can't even describe the rage that I have. Sisters should not hate each other, but there is no doubt that I absolutely despise my two sisters with a burning passion. We aren't even going to talk about the evil one because that would make me too angry to even type everything else.
Let us talk about the slutty one. Apparently my mother came home today to discover that she had "stolen" (according to the evil one, she was asleep while this happened but I call bullshit on her stupid lies) my sister's car keys and have driven somewhere and refuses to come home. Part of this frustration is because I can't really think that a girl who doesn't even have her license could do such a thing (but no, she's done it on numerous occasions and has even broken the side view mirror off of my mom's car. She said my dad planned it that way because she always parks it 'perfectly' back into place. That idiot.) but a major part of my frustration is at my parents for not really doing anything about it besides just yelling at her. I am not saying that I am condoning my parents beating the crap out of her, but I sort of am because there is really no other way I can possibly see them getting through to her thick fucking skull (please excuse my language but I am so full of frustration and rage. I can't even comprehend this idiot.).
To be honest, my parents are afraid of their children. They kind of deserve it too. I suppose I was raised in a culture (don't quote me on this but my mother tells me this all the time) that when we have children, they will be demon children because of the way we treat my parents. Sometimes I think that's true. My mother doesn't treat my grandmother very kindly (and I hate her for it). Looking at how she backtalks to my grandmother, there is no surprise where my sisters learned such disrespect for my mom. My mom has actually admitted that she was scared of my sister (to quote her, not directly of course because she said it in cantonese, I better go get your sister her doughnuts [my sister demanded my mom buy her krispy kreme doughnuts] or she'll yell at me and I am scared of her). You know, I don't really understand why she, the slutty one, has all the power. She's my dad's favorite despite all of this stupid crap she tries to pull (I know for a fact she drinks alcohol and smokes weed even though she is only a sophomore in high school). Even the evil one bows down to her wishes. I am the ONLY one who is not afraid of her and yet I don't care enough for her wellbeing to tell her. I haven't spoken to her for over a year and I don't plan to because she's a bitch to be honest.
Actually, I could give her a lecture but I know for a fact that I will end up exploding with anger and beating her myself. I don't want to resort to that because I know I will feel bad about myself, not necessarily guilty (because I will NEVER feel guilty for giving her what she deserves) but I will be disappointed in myself for letting her get to me in such a way that I would be too angry to even think. I have a lot of pent up anger inside of me but I don't always feel it. Sometimes it bursts out in random blog posts and other times I just have to cry it out by myself because no one is really 100% there for me.
I don't know. I just hope the slutty one gets retribution in one form or another. Either she gets pregnant, drops out of high school, doesn't go to college, gets arrested, gets pulled over, i don't care what as long as it makes her take a good look at her life and where she's heading. You know what, I hope that she actually ruins her life because that teaches more lessons than thinking she will get away with whatever she wants.
You know I once told my other sister a difference between expecting to get whatever you want and being a good person, gaining good karma points, and having good things happen to them. Maybe I will rant about that in another blog post but anyway...
What this blog post made me realize (and it's a really sad realization) is that I really have no one to go to. Sure I could start telling my cousin things, but will she really understand? No. I know that for a fact she won't. I will just get angry with her because she's friends with the slutty one and sometimes says things that also make me extremely angry because she doesn't think like me. I can't tell one of my oldest friends because we just don't discuss these types of things. Sure I will tell her about my idiotic sister but I won't tell her about how I feel about it or how it makes me so incredibly angry.As I mentioned in the first paragraph, I can't really tell my so called best friend because once she went to another state, she basically left our friendship in the dust. I have realized she is not the best of friends and people (specifically my college roommate) has told me that I should be glad to be rid of such a terrible person but why do I feel so sad? There really isn't anyone I can talk to besides you, my blog. I have realized so many times that the people I thought cared about me really didn't and I am kind of tired of not having any real friends who I can share everything with.
Everything sucks and I am crying but what can I really do about it? Nothing but keep it all bottled up until the next time I deserve a good cry. I am so fed up with my life, with annoying people, with fake people, with people who don't really care. It is not 1:38 in the morning. My eyes are wet and my throat is killing me but I have to wake up at 9 in the morning, put a smile on my face, and pretend to be okay for a while until the next time I write a blog post.
It's times like this where I wish I had someone who actually cared and knew enough about me to make me feel better. I had that but turns out that he was an absolute jerk but I will not discuss that now, especially while I am in such an emotional state because I will just end up saying things that aren't true ( or maybe they are. I may be emotional, but I am more honest when I am in this state. or so I would like to believe).
I am just not a happy person and right now I don't really feel like I could ever truly say that I am 100% happy with where I am in life. I am just going to attempt to surround myself with comfortable pillows and just listen to lovely instrumental music and just cry and try to sleep. I am just so emotionally spent.
I just don't understand. I don't understand how some people could do the most idiotic acts ever. I don't understand why some things make people change for the worst, sometimes for the better, but I am not sure at the moment. I am just extremely frustrated with everything and everyone and ugh. Everything is just terrible.
Let's start off with the straw that broke the camel's back. Stupid stupid stupid. I can't even describe the rage that I have. Sisters should not hate each other, but there is no doubt that I absolutely despise my two sisters with a burning passion. We aren't even going to talk about the evil one because that would make me too angry to even type everything else.
Let us talk about the slutty one. Apparently my mother came home today to discover that she had "stolen" (according to the evil one, she was asleep while this happened but I call bullshit on her stupid lies) my sister's car keys and have driven somewhere and refuses to come home. Part of this frustration is because I can't really think that a girl who doesn't even have her license could do such a thing (but no, she's done it on numerous occasions and has even broken the side view mirror off of my mom's car. She said my dad planned it that way because she always parks it 'perfectly' back into place. That idiot.) but a major part of my frustration is at my parents for not really doing anything about it besides just yelling at her. I am not saying that I am condoning my parents beating the crap out of her, but I sort of am because there is really no other way I can possibly see them getting through to her thick fucking skull (please excuse my language but I am so full of frustration and rage. I can't even comprehend this idiot.).
To be honest, my parents are afraid of their children. They kind of deserve it too. I suppose I was raised in a culture (don't quote me on this but my mother tells me this all the time) that when we have children, they will be demon children because of the way we treat my parents. Sometimes I think that's true. My mother doesn't treat my grandmother very kindly (and I hate her for it). Looking at how she backtalks to my grandmother, there is no surprise where my sisters learned such disrespect for my mom. My mom has actually admitted that she was scared of my sister (to quote her, not directly of course because she said it in cantonese, I better go get your sister her doughnuts [my sister demanded my mom buy her krispy kreme doughnuts] or she'll yell at me and I am scared of her). You know, I don't really understand why she, the slutty one, has all the power. She's my dad's favorite despite all of this stupid crap she tries to pull (I know for a fact she drinks alcohol and smokes weed even though she is only a sophomore in high school). Even the evil one bows down to her wishes. I am the ONLY one who is not afraid of her and yet I don't care enough for her wellbeing to tell her. I haven't spoken to her for over a year and I don't plan to because she's a bitch to be honest.
Actually, I could give her a lecture but I know for a fact that I will end up exploding with anger and beating her myself. I don't want to resort to that because I know I will feel bad about myself, not necessarily guilty (because I will NEVER feel guilty for giving her what she deserves) but I will be disappointed in myself for letting her get to me in such a way that I would be too angry to even think. I have a lot of pent up anger inside of me but I don't always feel it. Sometimes it bursts out in random blog posts and other times I just have to cry it out by myself because no one is really 100% there for me.
I don't know. I just hope the slutty one gets retribution in one form or another. Either she gets pregnant, drops out of high school, doesn't go to college, gets arrested, gets pulled over, i don't care what as long as it makes her take a good look at her life and where she's heading. You know what, I hope that she actually ruins her life because that teaches more lessons than thinking she will get away with whatever she wants.
You know I once told my other sister a difference between expecting to get whatever you want and being a good person, gaining good karma points, and having good things happen to them. Maybe I will rant about that in another blog post but anyway...
What this blog post made me realize (and it's a really sad realization) is that I really have no one to go to. Sure I could start telling my cousin things, but will she really understand? No. I know that for a fact she won't. I will just get angry with her because she's friends with the slutty one and sometimes says things that also make me extremely angry because she doesn't think like me. I can't tell one of my oldest friends because we just don't discuss these types of things. Sure I will tell her about my idiotic sister but I won't tell her about how I feel about it or how it makes me so incredibly angry.As I mentioned in the first paragraph, I can't really tell my so called best friend because once she went to another state, she basically left our friendship in the dust. I have realized she is not the best of friends and people (specifically my college roommate) has told me that I should be glad to be rid of such a terrible person but why do I feel so sad? There really isn't anyone I can talk to besides you, my blog. I have realized so many times that the people I thought cared about me really didn't and I am kind of tired of not having any real friends who I can share everything with.
Everything sucks and I am crying but what can I really do about it? Nothing but keep it all bottled up until the next time I deserve a good cry. I am so fed up with my life, with annoying people, with fake people, with people who don't really care. It is not 1:38 in the morning. My eyes are wet and my throat is killing me but I have to wake up at 9 in the morning, put a smile on my face, and pretend to be okay for a while until the next time I write a blog post.
It's times like this where I wish I had someone who actually cared and knew enough about me to make me feel better. I had that but turns out that he was an absolute jerk but I will not discuss that now, especially while I am in such an emotional state because I will just end up saying things that aren't true ( or maybe they are. I may be emotional, but I am more honest when I am in this state. or so I would like to believe).
I am just not a happy person and right now I don't really feel like I could ever truly say that I am 100% happy with where I am in life. I am just going to attempt to surround myself with comfortable pillows and just listen to lovely instrumental music and just cry and try to sleep. I am just so emotionally spent.
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Deep Ass Question #5
Well, would you look at that. Two posts in one day?? Oh em gee, what a miracle? haha. I crack myself up sometimes.
Here's the 5th installment of Deep Ass Questions brought to you buy a post on tumblr.
5. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Love and Trust.
This is a really hard question to answer because I am a true romantic. I am in love with the idea of being in love. I want one of those deep, burning, and passionate loves that simmer down with age and just develops into a nice and awesome love.
*sigh* When it comes down to it, I would chose trust over love. What is love really without trust? Sure, you could love a person and it would be pretty good but if you don't trust a person, how could you really stop yourself from being paranoid and doubting everything. If there is no trust, it's not going to last. Love is really based on trust. You will eventually stop loving a person if you really don't trust them, am I right? The trust issues are just going to tear a relationship apart.
I would hate a relationship without trust. I am a girl and an insecure girl at that. If there is no trust then there is doubt, paranoia, sadness, pain, ect. and I would NOT be able to deal with that. If I think I love a guy but really all it's causing is pain like 24/7, I wouldn't be able to deal with that for the rest of my life.
There is no love without trust.
Here's the 5th installment of Deep Ass Questions brought to you buy a post on tumblr.
5. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Love and Trust.
This is a really hard question to answer because I am a true romantic. I am in love with the idea of being in love. I want one of those deep, burning, and passionate loves that simmer down with age and just develops into a nice and awesome love.
*sigh* When it comes down to it, I would chose trust over love. What is love really without trust? Sure, you could love a person and it would be pretty good but if you don't trust a person, how could you really stop yourself from being paranoid and doubting everything. If there is no trust, it's not going to last. Love is really based on trust. You will eventually stop loving a person if you really don't trust them, am I right? The trust issues are just going to tear a relationship apart.
I would hate a relationship without trust. I am a girl and an insecure girl at that. If there is no trust then there is doubt, paranoia, sadness, pain, ect. and I would NOT be able to deal with that. If I think I love a guy but really all it's causing is pain like 24/7, I wouldn't be able to deal with that for the rest of my life.
There is no love without trust.
Tumblr Thoughts
So I stumbled on this quote while I was on tumblr and thought I would discuss it on this wonderful and terribly inactive blog. College is hard. College is stressful. College makes me want to scream in frustration.
The quote is:
“I wonder who’s arms would I run and fall into if I were drunk in a room with everyone I have ever loved”
I am going to change that last word to liked because I haven't really loved many people. This got me thinking though. I was kind of put into that situation recently. Just kinda... ok, not really... Yeah, totally not really. Ok, scratch that.
Anyways. If I was drunk, I would probably go around and just fall into the arms of each and every single guy. I mean when I am a bit tipsy, apparently I LOVE to hug people. If you know me, that's like a complete 180. I do not enjoy touching strangers or hugging in general. It was really weird because at a party I was totally just asking every guy who walked through the door to just give me a hug.
But really. In reality, if I was drunk I would hug every guy there. As for who I would just like follow around, that would really depend. I mean there are guys that I liked for a really really really long time (like 5 years+ long) and there are some guys that I have thought were really really really attractive and I may have liked them for a little bit. When it comes down to it, I would probably just chose the guy that I came with... but I really wouldn't know. Could I really stop myself from going to the one person that made me feel for a little bit of my life or the guy that I liked for a really long time but has an awesome girlfriend right now? I don't know. I am kind of sensible when I am drunk so I would probably (and I say probably because I am really not that sure) NOT go back to the one guy that broke my heart because to be honest, he was a jerk and I kinda don't like him at like all right now. I probably wouldn't fall into the arms of the guy that I used to like for a really long time because I just want to be his friend now. I don't want anything to happen with him. I just want to finally become his friend again.
As for the guys that I may actually fall into. There is a guy. He's nice. I don't know if I like him. I don't know if things will happen, but I absolutely love his personality and I know he would take care of me if he wasn't wasted himself. He's awesome, but just a little too outgoing for me. He has a bunch of girls and to be honest we're friends. I could see things happening, but I don't really know if I want things to happen or not (probably not... but he's probably the most likely guy I would go to). Then there is another guy. The guy who rejected me when I tried to dance with him. SO embarrassing by the way and a total confidence killer. Haha, I took a chance and got shot down, not really something I want to try again... but I would love to get to know him more if I had the chance.
You know, looking back, I have really really changed as a person but I will leave that to another blog post.
Till next time fellow non-socialites.
The quote is:
“I wonder who’s arms would I run and fall into if I were drunk in a room with everyone I have ever loved”
I am going to change that last word to liked because I haven't really loved many people. This got me thinking though. I was kind of put into that situation recently. Just kinda... ok, not really... Yeah, totally not really. Ok, scratch that.
Anyways. If I was drunk, I would probably go around and just fall into the arms of each and every single guy. I mean when I am a bit tipsy, apparently I LOVE to hug people. If you know me, that's like a complete 180. I do not enjoy touching strangers or hugging in general. It was really weird because at a party I was totally just asking every guy who walked through the door to just give me a hug.
But really. In reality, if I was drunk I would hug every guy there. As for who I would just like follow around, that would really depend. I mean there are guys that I liked for a really really really long time (like 5 years+ long) and there are some guys that I have thought were really really really attractive and I may have liked them for a little bit. When it comes down to it, I would probably just chose the guy that I came with... but I really wouldn't know. Could I really stop myself from going to the one person that made me feel for a little bit of my life or the guy that I liked for a really long time but has an awesome girlfriend right now? I don't know. I am kind of sensible when I am drunk so I would probably (and I say probably because I am really not that sure) NOT go back to the one guy that broke my heart because to be honest, he was a jerk and I kinda don't like him at like all right now. I probably wouldn't fall into the arms of the guy that I used to like for a really long time because I just want to be his friend now. I don't want anything to happen with him. I just want to finally become his friend again.
As for the guys that I may actually fall into. There is a guy. He's nice. I don't know if I like him. I don't know if things will happen, but I absolutely love his personality and I know he would take care of me if he wasn't wasted himself. He's awesome, but just a little too outgoing for me. He has a bunch of girls and to be honest we're friends. I could see things happening, but I don't really know if I want things to happen or not (probably not... but he's probably the most likely guy I would go to). Then there is another guy. The guy who rejected me when I tried to dance with him. SO embarrassing by the way and a total confidence killer. Haha, I took a chance and got shot down, not really something I want to try again... but I would love to get to know him more if I had the chance.
You know, looking back, I have really really changed as a person but I will leave that to another blog post.
Till next time fellow non-socialites.
Monday, November 18, 2013
It's been a while
Yes, I know it's been quite the long time. It's now november of 2013. I have been in college since august and I must say that most of the time I hate it here.
*lolz* I almost forgot how to put an enter in this blog post.
College is not as I expected. To be honest, I really thought I would have had a different experience. By reading my blog posts, you all probably know how big of an introvert I am (and trust me, I am a huge introvert) and the college that I am at isn't a great place for an introvert.
I expected to make more friends honestly. People say that the friends you make in college are the ones that stick with you for the rest of your life. Well I have no new friends right now and honestly, I am getting tired of some of the ones that I do have. I wanted to be more social but there are specific things that are keeping me from being who I really want to be.
I just don't want to be friends with those blond white girls with the Uggs and leggings, the ones who are just there to party.Since I am at such a big party school... I am just hoping that the partiers end up dropping out or transferring to another school because I don't really want to deal with them. Even though I myself want to party doesn't mean that I will go out every single weekend and get fucked up. That's not me. I never want to black out. I never want to wake up and not remember what is happening (but this topic is for another time).
Back to my point though. College is really not what I expected. Maybe it's because I lost the chance of going to a really great school (or a more prestigious school).
*Side Note* I am loving my room mate. Honestly, sometimes I like her more than my best friend. I am so used to her now that I am really going to be sad when she transfers to another school. But to the point. She said something that made me realize that I could have been at better places with better people.
She told me that I could have gotten into a way better school. Just by hearing my work ethnic and living with me, a complete stranger can tell me that I could have done great things makes me feel really regretful about some of the advantages that I didn't take part in.
Here are a list of things I should have done. Maybe this will help you guys who are younger
1. I probably should have taken the SAT. I know I would have done well. It's not because I am arrogant, it's just that I always do really well on standardized tests. I got a 30 on my ACT when my practice ACT predicted a 27 (and I didn't study for this test like AT ALL). I could have done really well on my SAT if I did take it. This is one of my biggest regrets. If I took the SAT I could have applied to schools in California (which is where I really wanted to go). I took the ACT but I did not take it with writing. If I had the chance to go back, I would have just sucked it up and drove all the way to the school that was offering the SAT.
2. I wish I would have been more involved with my school. I really wasn't involved at all with my school. I didn't play any sports (and I would have if I didn't have a job). I really wanted to be on the tennis team but I was too shy to even try. I don't know. I could have been in things like class leadership or been a backstage person for plays or something that would have made me more well rounded or given me experiences for scholarships. I really just went to school and went home. That was basically my whole high school career right there.
3. I sort of wish I applied to more school. I only applied to three schools and the sister school of one of these schools. I really should have applied to more prestigious schools. Maybe I could have gotten in then gotten a lot of scholar ships. That would have been awesome. I could be at a really awesome school instead of here with people I don't like and frankly don't want to be around.
4. I definitely wish I would have done more research on the school that I am going to now. I probably would have chosen a completely different resident hall. I should have done more research instead of blindly following a friend because ultimately that is a bad thing. Never do something just because your friend is doing it. Ultimately, you have to live with your choices. I am not happy with this resident hall. I could have been in a much nicer place or could have just commuted because I haven't made any friends. I should have looked into the cost of going to here versus the other places I had in mind. I wish I would have done additional research on the places that I wanted to go to out of state.
There are plenty more regret I have about my college experience but I am only going to write about those 4. I'll probably write more about college later because it's really bringing me down. All these regrets just make me sad, but I made my choices and now I have to live with them.
On the less sad side... I do have one choice that I was and still am very happy about making.
I am SO glad that I chose not to be room mates with anyone I knew. It's great being room mates with a best friend but eventually I get tired of people. Being around a person too much makes me sick of them. I would probably hate my best friend by this point. Living with someone that you're friends with is just not a good idea, especially if you're going to be in your room all the time. Honestly, I love my current room mate and she's the best match for me. I would have had a lot of problems if I was paired up with anyone else on my floor. I am so glad that I didn't cave in and live with my best friend. I am so glad that I chose to live with a stranger instead. I am SO glad that said stranger respects my need for quiet and time to myself. She doesn't judge me, in fact we have so much more in common.
My room mate and I have had so many conversations. I have shared so much of my life with her. She's awesome and I really really really hope that we can remain friends after she transfers.
The only reason I am still at this college and will continue to be in this college is because of money. I am not paying as much as other people for this lovely college experience. This college would have cost around 13000 a semester to attend. I got about 3500 for a grant. I got a 4,400 academic scholarship. I got 2000 dollars from another grant. 1,800 for work study (which I still don't understand how it works). Then I got an esteemed scholarship for 2,500. I am currently 10,000 in loans and had to pay 1,500 out of my own bank account in order to go here. This really isn't a lot compared to other people and I am lucky to be going here for so little.
Money is basically stopping me from going somewhere I really want to go. I would definitely transfer to a California school if I could. Hell, I would even go to the other side of the country if I could.
*lolz* I almost forgot how to put an enter in this blog post.
College is not as I expected. To be honest, I really thought I would have had a different experience. By reading my blog posts, you all probably know how big of an introvert I am (and trust me, I am a huge introvert) and the college that I am at isn't a great place for an introvert.
I expected to make more friends honestly. People say that the friends you make in college are the ones that stick with you for the rest of your life. Well I have no new friends right now and honestly, I am getting tired of some of the ones that I do have. I wanted to be more social but there are specific things that are keeping me from being who I really want to be.
I just don't want to be friends with those blond white girls with the Uggs and leggings, the ones who are just there to party.Since I am at such a big party school... I am just hoping that the partiers end up dropping out or transferring to another school because I don't really want to deal with them. Even though I myself want to party doesn't mean that I will go out every single weekend and get fucked up. That's not me. I never want to black out. I never want to wake up and not remember what is happening (but this topic is for another time).
Back to my point though. College is really not what I expected. Maybe it's because I lost the chance of going to a really great school (or a more prestigious school).
*Side Note* I am loving my room mate. Honestly, sometimes I like her more than my best friend. I am so used to her now that I am really going to be sad when she transfers to another school. But to the point. She said something that made me realize that I could have been at better places with better people.
She told me that I could have gotten into a way better school. Just by hearing my work ethnic and living with me, a complete stranger can tell me that I could have done great things makes me feel really regretful about some of the advantages that I didn't take part in.
Here are a list of things I should have done. Maybe this will help you guys who are younger
1. I probably should have taken the SAT. I know I would have done well. It's not because I am arrogant, it's just that I always do really well on standardized tests. I got a 30 on my ACT when my practice ACT predicted a 27 (and I didn't study for this test like AT ALL). I could have done really well on my SAT if I did take it. This is one of my biggest regrets. If I took the SAT I could have applied to schools in California (which is where I really wanted to go). I took the ACT but I did not take it with writing. If I had the chance to go back, I would have just sucked it up and drove all the way to the school that was offering the SAT.
2. I wish I would have been more involved with my school. I really wasn't involved at all with my school. I didn't play any sports (and I would have if I didn't have a job). I really wanted to be on the tennis team but I was too shy to even try. I don't know. I could have been in things like class leadership or been a backstage person for plays or something that would have made me more well rounded or given me experiences for scholarships. I really just went to school and went home. That was basically my whole high school career right there.
3. I sort of wish I applied to more school. I only applied to three schools and the sister school of one of these schools. I really should have applied to more prestigious schools. Maybe I could have gotten in then gotten a lot of scholar ships. That would have been awesome. I could be at a really awesome school instead of here with people I don't like and frankly don't want to be around.
4. I definitely wish I would have done more research on the school that I am going to now. I probably would have chosen a completely different resident hall. I should have done more research instead of blindly following a friend because ultimately that is a bad thing. Never do something just because your friend is doing it. Ultimately, you have to live with your choices. I am not happy with this resident hall. I could have been in a much nicer place or could have just commuted because I haven't made any friends. I should have looked into the cost of going to here versus the other places I had in mind. I wish I would have done additional research on the places that I wanted to go to out of state.
There are plenty more regret I have about my college experience but I am only going to write about those 4. I'll probably write more about college later because it's really bringing me down. All these regrets just make me sad, but I made my choices and now I have to live with them.
On the less sad side... I do have one choice that I was and still am very happy about making.
I am SO glad that I chose not to be room mates with anyone I knew. It's great being room mates with a best friend but eventually I get tired of people. Being around a person too much makes me sick of them. I would probably hate my best friend by this point. Living with someone that you're friends with is just not a good idea, especially if you're going to be in your room all the time. Honestly, I love my current room mate and she's the best match for me. I would have had a lot of problems if I was paired up with anyone else on my floor. I am so glad that I didn't cave in and live with my best friend. I am so glad that I chose to live with a stranger instead. I am SO glad that said stranger respects my need for quiet and time to myself. She doesn't judge me, in fact we have so much more in common.
My room mate and I have had so many conversations. I have shared so much of my life with her. She's awesome and I really really really hope that we can remain friends after she transfers.
The only reason I am still at this college and will continue to be in this college is because of money. I am not paying as much as other people for this lovely college experience. This college would have cost around 13000 a semester to attend. I got about 3500 for a grant. I got a 4,400 academic scholarship. I got 2000 dollars from another grant. 1,800 for work study (which I still don't understand how it works). Then I got an esteemed scholarship for 2,500. I am currently 10,000 in loans and had to pay 1,500 out of my own bank account in order to go here. This really isn't a lot compared to other people and I am lucky to be going here for so little.
Money is basically stopping me from going somewhere I really want to go. I would definitely transfer to a California school if I could. Hell, I would even go to the other side of the country if I could.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Holla
Well, it's been a while but things just don't happen to me.
I guess I shall temporarily use this blog as a way to do answer things that I find on tumblr?
I guess since nothing has happened to me (besides maybe liking another person? Idk yet so....) I shall go ahead and do some random posts on things I find on tumblr. That's probably going to be a majority of my new posts until something actually happens? idk yet.
Man, I know nothing. My whole life is up in the air right now. Let's just do this. ABOUT ME
► Name ➔ Felicia
► Will you answer all questions truthfully ➔ Yes
► Are you single ➔ Yes
► Are you happy ➔ meh
► Are you bored ➔ yes
► Are you sad ➔ Meh?
► Are you Italian ➔ No
► Are you German ➔ No
► Are you Asian ➔ Yes and proud of it
► Are you angry ➔ noo? at least not right now?
► Are you Irish ➔ No
► Are your parents still married ➔ Yes
TEN FACTS
► Birth Place ➔ US of A. To be more specific, Colorado?
► Hair Color ➔ Black, straight up. Darkest hair out of most of my sisters
► Birthday ➔ June 27th
► Mood ➔ tired and excited :)
► Gender ➔ Female
► Lefty or Righty ➔ Righty
► Summer or winter ➔ mostly summer, but sometimes winter
► Morning or afternoon ➔ Afternoon I guess
TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE
► Are you in love ➔ No
► Do you believe in love at first sight ➔ kinda
► Who ended your last relationship ➔ A jerk
► Have you ever been hurt ➔ Yes
► Have you ever broken someone’s heart ➔ maybe?? probably? I don't know?
► Are you friends with your ex ➔ *ahem* refer to the jerk (no)
► Are you afraid of commitment ➔ Absolutely not
► Have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ Yes, tons of people (tons in my opinion, like 5 in others)
► Have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ Yes? If by secret you mean they never told me but I figured it out then yes
► Have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ how does that work?
TEN CHOICES
► Love or lust ➔ Love
► Lemonade or iced tea ➔ Iced tea
► Cats or Dogs ➔ Both..... but if it comes down to it, dogs
► A few best friends or many regular friends ➔ few best
► Television or internet ➔ Internet... duh
► Pepsi or Coke ➔ Coke
► Wild night out or romantic night in ➔ Romantic night in
► Day or night ➔ Night
► IM or Phone ➔ IM
TEN HAVE YOU EVER ► Been caught sneaking out ➔ No, not by my parents
► Fallen off the stairs ➔ yes
► White water rafted ➔ No
► Finished an entire jawbreaker ➔ yes, one of those smaller ones
► Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ Yes
► Prank called a store ➔ No
► Skipped school ➔ I skipped a class once.... but not an entire day of school
► Wanted to disappear ➔ Yes
TEN PREFERENCES
► Smile or eyes ➔ smile
► Light or dark hair ➔ Dark hair
► Fat or skinny ➔ Skinny
► Shorter or Taller ➔ taller, way taller please?
► Intelligence or Attraction ➔ attraction?? i guess
►Jock or Nerd ➔ nerd
► Hook-up or Relationship ➔ Relationship
► Funny and poor OR rich and serious ➔ Funny and poor
LAST
► Last Phone Call ➔ umm, my sister
► Last phone call you received ➔ my cousin
► Last person you hung out with ➔ my friend
► Last thing you ate ➔ fries
► Last thing you drank ➔ coke
► Last site you went to ➔ tumblr
► Last place you were ➔ work
RELATIONSHIPS
► Are you in a committed relationship ➔ No
► When was your last relationship ➔ hmmm.... ended junior year... I am now almost a freshman in college... so almost 2 years?
► Have you ever loved a guy/girl more than anything else in the world? ➔ yes
► Do you still love them ➔ no, lol. That's funny.
► Do you like someone right now ➔ I don’t even know.... maybe? How can I tell if I like him because they're nice to me or if I really really do like him?
I just don't even know right now.
FAMILY
► Do you and your family get along ➔ haha. no.
► Would you say you have a “messed up life”➔ yup
► Have you ever run away from home ➔ No, but i've wanted to.... really really badly
► Have you ever gotten kicked out ➔ Yes, I was threatened with that.
► If so, how long ➔ Didn't happen
FRIENDS ► Do you secretly hate one of your friends ➔ Yes, like a bunch of them. Once I tire of you, I get super tired of you and hate you for a while.
► Do you consider all of your friends good friends ➔ No, absolutely not. I have like 2 best friends.
► Would you die for them ➔ For my friends? no. For my BEST friends? Absolutely.
► Who knows everything about you ➔ No one
Yup, that's it. Some facts about a stranger.
I guess I shall temporarily use this blog as a way to do answer things that I find on tumblr?
I guess since nothing has happened to me (besides maybe liking another person? Idk yet so....) I shall go ahead and do some random posts on things I find on tumblr. That's probably going to be a majority of my new posts until something actually happens? idk yet.
Man, I know nothing. My whole life is up in the air right now. Let's just do this. ABOUT ME
► Name ➔ Felicia
► Will you answer all questions truthfully ➔ Yes
► Are you single ➔ Yes
► Are you happy ➔ meh
► Are you bored ➔ yes
► Are you sad ➔ Meh?
► Are you Italian ➔ No
► Are you German ➔ No
► Are you Asian ➔ Yes and proud of it
► Are you angry ➔ noo? at least not right now?
► Are you Irish ➔ No
► Are your parents still married ➔ Yes
TEN FACTS
► Birth Place ➔ US of A. To be more specific, Colorado?
► Hair Color ➔ Black, straight up. Darkest hair out of most of my sisters
► Birthday ➔ June 27th
► Mood ➔ tired and excited :)
► Gender ➔ Female
► Lefty or Righty ➔ Righty
► Summer or winter ➔ mostly summer, but sometimes winter
► Morning or afternoon ➔ Afternoon I guess
TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE
► Are you in love ➔ No
► Do you believe in love at first sight ➔ kinda
► Who ended your last relationship ➔ A jerk
► Have you ever been hurt ➔ Yes
► Have you ever broken someone’s heart ➔ maybe?? probably? I don't know?
► Are you friends with your ex ➔ *ahem* refer to the jerk (no)
► Are you afraid of commitment ➔ Absolutely not
► Have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ Yes, tons of people (tons in my opinion, like 5 in others)
► Have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ Yes? If by secret you mean they never told me but I figured it out then yes
► Have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ how does that work?
TEN CHOICES
► Love or lust ➔ Love
► Lemonade or iced tea ➔ Iced tea
► Cats or Dogs ➔ Both..... but if it comes down to it, dogs
► A few best friends or many regular friends ➔ few best
► Television or internet ➔ Internet... duh
► Pepsi or Coke ➔ Coke
► Wild night out or romantic night in ➔ Romantic night in
► Day or night ➔ Night
► IM or Phone ➔ IM
TEN HAVE YOU EVER ► Been caught sneaking out ➔ No, not by my parents
► Fallen off the stairs ➔ yes
► White water rafted ➔ No
► Finished an entire jawbreaker ➔ yes, one of those smaller ones
► Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ Yes
► Prank called a store ➔ No
► Skipped school ➔ I skipped a class once.... but not an entire day of school
► Wanted to disappear ➔ Yes
TEN PREFERENCES
► Smile or eyes ➔ smile
► Light or dark hair ➔ Dark hair
► Fat or skinny ➔ Skinny
► Shorter or Taller ➔ taller, way taller please?
► Intelligence or Attraction ➔ attraction?? i guess
►Jock or Nerd ➔ nerd
► Hook-up or Relationship ➔ Relationship
► Funny and poor OR rich and serious ➔ Funny and poor
LAST
► Last Phone Call ➔ umm, my sister
► Last phone call you received ➔ my cousin
► Last person you hung out with ➔ my friend
► Last thing you ate ➔ fries
► Last thing you drank ➔ coke
► Last site you went to ➔ tumblr
► Last place you were ➔ work
RELATIONSHIPS
► Are you in a committed relationship ➔ No
► When was your last relationship ➔ hmmm.... ended junior year... I am now almost a freshman in college... so almost 2 years?
► Have you ever loved a guy/girl more than anything else in the world? ➔ yes
► Do you still love them ➔ no, lol. That's funny.
► Do you like someone right now ➔ I don’t even know.... maybe? How can I tell if I like him because they're nice to me or if I really really do like him?
I just don't even know right now.
FAMILY
► Do you and your family get along ➔ haha. no.
► Would you say you have a “messed up life”➔ yup
► Have you ever run away from home ➔ No, but i've wanted to.... really really badly
► Have you ever gotten kicked out ➔ Yes, I was threatened with that.
► If so, how long ➔ Didn't happen
FRIENDS ► Do you secretly hate one of your friends ➔ Yes, like a bunch of them. Once I tire of you, I get super tired of you and hate you for a while.
► Do you consider all of your friends good friends ➔ No, absolutely not. I have like 2 best friends.
► Would you die for them ➔ For my friends? no. For my BEST friends? Absolutely.
► Who knows everything about you ➔ No one
Yup, that's it. Some facts about a stranger.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Nail Shop Paris
Man, I suck at watching dramas. It took me like FOREVER to finish watching this. If i get into a drama, it takes me little to no time to finish it but this drama just took forever. I don't know why. I finished the last 5 episodes today though... so basically I blasted through 6 episodes today because I was at the beginning of episode 5.
Initially, I watched this drama because of tumblr (speaking of tumblr, I really have been missing from the tumblr scene for the past two weeks. I miss it so much). I found a photo set of Jin and was confused because it had Thunder and I didn't know he was acting in a drama. Then I kept seeing gif sets and photo sets of the cuteness that is Jin and I decided to watch it. So basically I watched the drama because of Thunder. I really thought he would have been the main character, but his cuteness and his relationship with ji soo is so cute. Man.
I really didn't like the first 4 episodes of the drama. I continued watching because I wanted to see more of Thunder's acting. It seemed really silly and oh my goodness, some of the stuff was really weird (like what up with that shop owner and his eyeliner. Don't even mention the girl who's ghost boyfriend wouldn't leave her alone).
Once I got past the weirdness and the general terribleness of the first 4 episodes, I was pretty much hooked. Oh my goodness, this was the first time that I did not like the main dude. Well, let me explain. I totally thought the main main dude was Alex and thus Bunny was going to end up with Alex. I really did not like him. I was totally team Kay (mmmm kay. He is so cute and he treats Bunny right). The producers did a really good job of confusing me. I totally seriously thought that Alex was the main dude.... but then I wondered why he showed up in so little of the drama. Like he didn't save Bunny or anything like Kay did. Eff it, I am just totally rooting for kay. Seriously. When he told Bunny that he likes her and then they did that little camping trip thing with all the cuteness.... I DIED AND DID A HAPPY DANCE AROUND MY ROOM. (oh, and spoiler....haha all my posts are spoilers... I also died when BUNNY CHOSE KAY and then ran after him and told him all the stuff about how if she lost Alex, her heart would hurt but if she lost Kay then she would die. Oh my goodness.. oh my freaking goodness... how Kay acts when he's happy with Bunny was something that I wanted for myself. I was so jealous and mad at Bunny because she wouldn't realize that it was Kay treating her well and making her happy)
I'm just really really happy that Bunny ended up with Kay. Really really really happy.
But all those plot twists that the producers had were really unexpected. I totally did not expect the boss to be a Gumiho.... let alone Bunny's mother. Dang it, totally not expecting it. I was also not expecting the half-gumiho thing. I was not expecting any of the ending, including Bunny ending up with Kay. I kept telling myself that I should just give up on Bay/kunny (haha couple names :P) because Bunny was going to be an idiot and chose Alex. I seriously almost came to terms with it because I thought Alex was the main guy and the girl almost always ends up with the main guy.
I guess I am pretty satisfied with the ending. (haha dang right I am satisfied with Bunny ending up with Kay) I just wished that there were more episodes so there could be more plot development. The last episode had so much stuff packed into it. I felt like I was watching that episode for 4 hours instead of 1. I really wish there was more information on the mother and what happened after her hibernation (of course she couldn't go back to Paris because she doesn't age).
In conclusion, I like the drama 9once you get over the stupidness of the first 4 episodes)
Initially, I watched this drama because of tumblr (speaking of tumblr, I really have been missing from the tumblr scene for the past two weeks. I miss it so much). I found a photo set of Jin and was confused because it had Thunder and I didn't know he was acting in a drama. Then I kept seeing gif sets and photo sets of the cuteness that is Jin and I decided to watch it. So basically I watched the drama because of Thunder. I really thought he would have been the main character, but his cuteness and his relationship with ji soo is so cute. Man.
I really didn't like the first 4 episodes of the drama. I continued watching because I wanted to see more of Thunder's acting. It seemed really silly and oh my goodness, some of the stuff was really weird (like what up with that shop owner and his eyeliner. Don't even mention the girl who's ghost boyfriend wouldn't leave her alone).
Once I got past the weirdness and the general terribleness of the first 4 episodes, I was pretty much hooked. Oh my goodness, this was the first time that I did not like the main dude. Well, let me explain. I totally thought the main main dude was Alex and thus Bunny was going to end up with Alex. I really did not like him. I was totally team Kay (mmmm kay. He is so cute and he treats Bunny right). The producers did a really good job of confusing me. I totally seriously thought that Alex was the main dude.... but then I wondered why he showed up in so little of the drama. Like he didn't save Bunny or anything like Kay did. Eff it, I am just totally rooting for kay. Seriously. When he told Bunny that he likes her and then they did that little camping trip thing with all the cuteness.... I DIED AND DID A HAPPY DANCE AROUND MY ROOM. (oh, and spoiler....haha all my posts are spoilers... I also died when BUNNY CHOSE KAY and then ran after him and told him all the stuff about how if she lost Alex, her heart would hurt but if she lost Kay then she would die. Oh my goodness.. oh my freaking goodness... how Kay acts when he's happy with Bunny was something that I wanted for myself. I was so jealous and mad at Bunny because she wouldn't realize that it was Kay treating her well and making her happy)
I'm just really really happy that Bunny ended up with Kay. Really really really happy.
But all those plot twists that the producers had were really unexpected. I totally did not expect the boss to be a Gumiho.... let alone Bunny's mother. Dang it, totally not expecting it. I was also not expecting the half-gumiho thing. I was not expecting any of the ending, including Bunny ending up with Kay. I kept telling myself that I should just give up on Bay/kunny (haha couple names :P) because Bunny was going to be an idiot and chose Alex. I seriously almost came to terms with it because I thought Alex was the main guy and the girl almost always ends up with the main guy.
I guess I am pretty satisfied with the ending. (haha dang right I am satisfied with Bunny ending up with Kay) I just wished that there were more episodes so there could be more plot development. The last episode had so much stuff packed into it. I felt like I was watching that episode for 4 hours instead of 1. I really wish there was more information on the mother and what happened after her hibernation (of course she couldn't go back to Paris because she doesn't age).
In conclusion, I like the drama 9once you get over the stupidness of the first 4 episodes)
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